Selfish!!!!
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Selfish!!!!
| Tue, 06-28-2005 - 5:00pm |
Well I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for about two years and a half. We have been thru good and bad times etc. etc. Well since about a year ago my bf has been kinda laid off of work and I have been paying everything, every day we spent together. He would not go out, unless it was with me and he would always be calling me to go out with him. Needless to say I lost most of my friends since all my time was dedicated to him, and had no life. I didn't think much of it since I always believed a better time would come. Well in June he got pretty good paying job, (before he had odd jobs that payed him very little) and now he wants a break! He doesn't want to be with me or even talk to me. But he goes out all the time to his cousins house, when his excuse for not seeing me is that he is too tired from work! He also says he doesnt want to go out with me because he wants to save money for a car. I am not asking him for anything, I just want to see him and be with him. It summer break, I have no class or no job, and most of my friends have their whole new life without me. I want to learn of a way that I could cope with this break. I need something to do before I go nuts, I call him all the time just to hear him say the same things all over again!!!!

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Well I can't presume to know what it's like in Puerto Rico, but I think while it may be the "norm" that guys are considered superior and more entitled than women, it sounds like you don't agree, nor do you like it. In every era and culture there are those who do not accept it or go along with it, people have been bucking the norm as long as there have been people, it's how things get changed, and it's how individuals find their own happiness and satisfaction. In this kind of culture you have a choice, you can accept it and go along with it, not being an equal but subservient or you can stand on your own, let your thoughts and feelings be known and not accept a boyfriend who treats you as less than an equal or less than a loved, cared for partner. If you don't like how you're being treated (you called it "selfish" in your first post) it's up to you to accept it or not. If you accept it, you do so knowing you're giving him the message that he's right and that he can do that to you anytime he chooses, that you're deserving of that treatment. Or you can refuse to be treated that way, let him know if this is how he chooses to treat you the relationship's over because you won't accept that kind of treatment. You may be in the minority, and yes, the Latino culture has been male dominated for centuries, but you're not alone. There are plenty of strong Latino women, plenty of other women who feel the same way you do and who do not accept lesser treatment as well a men who do not agree with the macho attitude that's typical. In any culture you get what you accept and put up with.
How is it that girls are not allowed to go out without a male escort but it's acceptable for you to live with your boyfriend outside of marriage? Or is the "going out without a guy" restriction something that's ordered by the boyfriend rather than the parents? I can't tell you how long I'd be willing to accept being expected to stay home until my boyfriend was ready to "let" me go out. I'd be out the door before he drew his next breath. But then I've never been submissive in my life. Throw out an order like that and I'd break it immediately whether I really wanted to go out or not.
~ cl-2nd_life"You can't control the length of your life,
but you can control the width and depth."
~ Author unknown

my signature exchange partner:Understanding the Opposite Sex
"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
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