Sexual Fantasy vs Reality

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2011
Sexual Fantasy vs Reality
4
Thu, 08-04-2011 - 10:16am

Where to begin.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009
Thu, 08-04-2011 - 10:49am

Well, it's a weird truth to think about (him wanting to sleep with another woman) but in general, I assure you that in spite of how much a man loves a woman, he would definitely sleep with another woman if it wasn't going to hurt his significant other or cause problems. I think this is usually true of women, too. You may really be attracted to someone else in your life, but you don't pursue it because you have the ability to restrain yourself for the better of the relationship, which is most important.

Your situation is similar but I think the talking and fantasy has caused it to be more evident. Most of us, whether we want to accept it or not, don't think much about our partner wanting to be with someone else. We believe he is faithful to us and that is what matters.

I think you need to look at the fact that your guy is faithful to you. He is more honest about his sexuality than a lot of other men would be, but at the same time, you know he cares very much for you and for the relationship and he is not willing to jeopardize that. He sounds like a good person who loves you. Maybe it would be best if you asked him if you could stop the talk about other people in your sex life, if only or the time being.

Avatar for khatru1
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-07-2004
Thu, 08-04-2011 - 12:34pm

I wouldn't worry about it. He may very well be open to engaging in this behavior if you both agreed to do it, but I think he is more concerned that you be comfortable with whatever the two of you do, so I'm sure he is fine with you being his only partner. Also sometimes even if a person thinks they would be fine with a polyamorous arrangement, they may feel differently in the aftermath of an encounter and dealing with their feelings.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007
Thu, 08-04-2011 - 6:09pm

>>

Avatar for khatru1
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-07-2004
Fri, 08-05-2011 - 10:02am

I agree. Certainly monogamy was not practiced by early humans living in communal family groups where day to day survival was not at all taken for granted. It benefits the human species, or any species for that matter, to have more genetic diversity. It maximizes the chances that an offspring will live until adulthood and reproduce, thereby carrying on the species for another generation.

As our society moved into permanent settllements it became more advantageous to have the stability of monogamy. Religion was brought in to reign in our polyamorous behaviors.

Now as we have in many ways (not all) become the masters of our environment, and life expectancy has gone way up and we have gotten very good at survival, these controls are no longer as necessary. Religion is falling by the wayside and people are increasingly not staying with one person for life as marriage is slowly becoming irrelevant.

I realize this is not going to help the OP, but I do find it interesting to ponder what the future holds for human relationships, families, etc.