Sharing sexy photos of my wife

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2006
Sharing sexy photos of my wife
13
Tue, 08-22-2006 - 2:09am

For the past few years, I've realized that I love showing off my wife. "Donna" is 5-foot-10, 135 pounds with long legs, a pretty face and a sexy athletic body, so it's not difficult for her to get attention when we go out -- and I love every minute of it.

I know what you're thinking, but I'm not your typical sicko or the greasy swinger type -- just your ordinary, average soccer dad. I'm a good boy in almost every other department of our marriage.

My problem is that I enjoy showing her off so much that I've started showing sexy swimsuit and lingerie pictures of her online to total strangers without her knowledge. I know it's a rotten thing to do, but I enjoy it so much that I can't seem to stop. Reading and hearing their comments gives me a huge thrill.

I want to come clean and confess, but I know that likely means I'll have to destroy a collection of pictures of my sexy wife that I'll cherish and I doubt she'll be able to forgive me. She's already somewhat sexually uptight, so this would definitely not help matters. Of course, my fantasy is that I'd tell her and she'd actually be aroused by it, but I think we all know that probably won't be the case. Any advice?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2004
Tue, 08-22-2006 - 6:18am

Remove the photos immediately and destroy them, but don't tell your wife about the internet. While coming clean may make you feel better, it's going to make your wife feel like a piece of ****.

Then get some individual counselling to address why you would make such a breach of your wife's trust.

Dress Up Games, Doll Makers and Cartoon Dolls @ The Doll Palace
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Tue, 08-22-2006 - 9:40am

When you get your counseling make sure you go to a certified sexual addictions counselor. What you describe is one of the many classic facets of sexual addiction. It started getting a charge just being out in public with her and then that wasn't enough. So you started sharing swimsuit pictures online.... then the lingerie ones.... And soon you will be doing more than that. You need to STOP. Pull everything offline. Get a certified addictions counselor and go. After you've gone and talked to them you can ask about telling your wife. You need to make sure that you tell her because it's something she needs to know, not so you can either relieve guilt or see if she will participate in your fantasy.

This is a big deal. I know your first thought will be that you don't have an "addiction" and maybe you don't. But you need someone who is qualified to tell you that and even if it's not an addiction, a sexual addictions counselor is still the best person to go to and work through this issue.

Destroy those pictures. If you can't stop sharing them, love your wife enough to destroy them.

Jen

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 08-22-2006 - 12:33pm
I agree with what you've heard so far. Remove the pictures, don't tell your wife and get some help to take a look at why you'd do something like this.


I understand your desire to confess to your wife, but I think this is one of those times when confession is not called for. In this case it's simply to clear your conscious and will only hurt your wife. It's not fair or helpful to her or your relationship.


You say you're not a sicko or greasy swinger and I believe you, but have you thought about the fact that those strangers who you're providing your wife's photos to are? I can't imagine why you'd want to provide them with fodder for their sick desires in the way of photos of your wife.








~ cl-2nd_life

"Experience is what you get
when you don't get what you want."

~ Author unknown








"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Tue, 08-22-2006 - 4:49pm
I was going to bring that up CL, so I'm glad you did. Just who are the people seeing these pictures?!?!?! And what are THEY doing with them?
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2006
Tue, 08-22-2006 - 6:47pm

dudley2006,


<<

Defleppardgal

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2004
Tue, 08-22-2006 - 6:49pm

Hey, I was wondering if you wanted my email address? lol My big flaw in life is saying anything that I think if funny, regarless of how tasteless others see it.

Kidding aside, this is a huge violation of trust with your wife. Do you understand that? If you really understood how rotten it was, you wouldn't do it. So you just say that you do but really, you are doing what you want for yourself, regarless of how that might hurt someone you care about.

I understand that this is a huge turn on for you, but I don't believe you that your actions support that you really do understand how your are violating the trust that she has put in you. Those pictures aren't not yours they are both of yours and you have no right to go around showing those to anyone without her permission.

I doubt I could recover from such a significant violation of trust if it were me.

Okay, with that said, now email the pictures of your wife so I can see just how badly you are violating her trust!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 08-23-2006 - 5:16am
I think that it's important to add that with a sexual addiction, he will have to tell her later on. I don't think he should tell her right now. He does need counseling. Absolutely! Part of the process is going to be to tell his dw.
Steph

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2006
Thu, 08-24-2006 - 10:14am

Not that it makes it any better, but just to clarify: The pictures aren't posted on the Web. I have a program that broadcasts the images through my webcam and others can view if they'd like. As for what they do with her pictures, I have no idea, but I think you can guess. Many of them tell me they're typing with one hand.

I suppose this should probably serve as a heads-up out there to any ladies who have let their husbands take sexy snapshots of them because there are a lot more guys than just me who are into this. I used to visit a Yahoo chatroom (back when they still had user-created rooms) that was solely devoted to husbands sharing pictures of their wives. Most were R- and X-rated.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 08-24-2006 - 9:31pm
From what you said you are very much aware of what your viewers are doing with your wife's pictures; and again based on your own words, what you don't know, you imagine. It also seems that sharing pictures isn't new to you and that you've done your share of viewing as well as showing.

If you find you have trouble stopping yourself from sharing or viewing others photos, I suggest you take a look at the following articles:


What Is a Sexual Addiction?
Six Kinds of Sex Addicts
Is My Partner a Sex Addict?
Are You a Sex Addict?

The following websites might be helpful to you as well:

Sex Compulsives Anonymous

Sex Addict Anonymous

Sexaholics Anonymous

Sex Recovery Anonymous

Augustine Fellowship, Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous

Best of luck to you and your wife.








~ cl-2nd_life

"Experience is what you get
when you don't get what you want."

~ Author unknown








"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-29-2006
Wed, 08-30-2006 - 7:55am
Yes, please please seek a counselor. You can not hide that from your wife either. She would eventually wonder why you are seeing one and wonder if theres a problem in the relationship. Get rid of the pictures on the web. Talk to the sex addict counselor,and come clean to yuor wife so the guilt is not hanging over you. She deserves to know before she finds out some other way.


Edited 8/30/2006 8:15 am ET by intuition_girl0727

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