Should he help me with my car

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2005
Should he help me with my car
24
Sat, 11-19-2011 - 4:45pm

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007
Sat, 11-19-2011 - 5:07pm

Calico, I don't see this as right or wrong.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2010
Sat, 11-19-2011 - 7:28pm

Why can't you offer to pay him back? No one is saying that you need to give him all 800 all at once but I think if you want or expect him to pay for your car you should at least offer to pay him back. Also if you are having this much trouble financially paying for normal day to day expenses then maybe you should consider getting a second job. Becuase from what you wrote you said your boyfriend pays your rent, and in all honesty you should be able to pay your own rent because you never know when he might stop paying and you may have to do things on your own.

Community Leader
Registered: 01-03-2004
Sat, 11-19-2011 - 8:43pm

Calico,

So now you know what you really are to this guy: A sex partner, a house guest, a convenience that he takes for granted and doesn't want to be "bothered" with if it doesn't fit his idea of convenient.

Sell some stuff to get the money to fix the car. Then, find your own place to live. This isn't a "relationship" to him; it's a convenience. Don't you want more than that from the person you spend your life with?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007
Sat, 11-19-2011 - 9:11pm

Starlite and Wisdom, I'm a little confused by your replies.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-06-2011
Sat, 11-19-2011 - 9:56pm

You want to be independent, which is good.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Sat, 11-19-2011 - 10:01pm

It's hard to really know because we don't know the financial situation of the 2 of you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2005
Sun, 11-20-2011 - 1:29am

Yes he pays for his food and utilities. Actually, he pays me one lump amount which includes rent to me, use of power and cable. As I posted earlier, he also pays if we go out to dinner or to the movies.

Avatar for ukgirl82
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-17-2005
Sun, 11-20-2011 - 6:07am
Well, I have to admit, it sounds a little like he's already fairly generous with his money - I mean, he already bought you new AC for $1800 (granted, he benefits from it as well but it's your home so if he moved out, it's not like he'd be taking it with him) and always pays when you go out on dates, plus he pays his fair share of the cost of living in food, rent and utilities. To me, it sounds like his reluctance to pay for your car getting fixed comes from a concern that you are starting "mooch" off of him or "using" him for his money. I'm not saying that's what you're doing but when you start expecting him to pay for expensive stuff because he can afford it and you can't, it starts to feel a bit like that.

You say you want your independence back by having your own car but would it really be independence when he's paid for it? Ask yourself, if you weren't in a relationship, what would you have done? How would you have coped without a car or afforded to get it fixed? Whatever the answer to that is, perhaps you should consider it as a possibility if absolute independence is really what you want.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2010
Sun, 11-20-2011 - 10:44am
starliteboo wrote:

Why can't you offer to pay him back? No one is saying that you need to give him all 800 all at once but I think if you want or expect him to pay for your car you should at least offer to pay him back.

As another poster said, it would be different if you were married

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007
Sun, 11-20-2011 - 3:40pm

Trenner, I too would have suggested a loan.

Pages