should i approach him about this?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2006
should i approach him about this?
5
Fri, 08-25-2006 - 9:33am
I recently have been having nightmares that my bf is cheating on me(we have been together for 3 years). I can't stop thinking about it and i want to ask him but i dont want him getting ofensive and mad at me for asking. I know i shouldnt have done this but i logged into his myspace account and he and this girl have been messaging each other back and forth saying how she misses his voice and he gave her his number. I know it was very wrong of me to do this but now im hurt even more this plus the dreams. i want to approach this but i dont know what i should do. any advice would be helpful for i am very upset about this. :frown:
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2006
Fri, 08-25-2006 - 10:54am

Beak up with this guy cause neither of you have the basic skills to have a healthy relationship....honesty, trust, and fidelity...among others. Once out of this relationship get your self some serious therapy since your way of dealing with an issue is to invade the privacy of someone you supposedly love and if this is the way you act you will never have a healthy relationship.

P.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 08-26-2006 - 2:18am
Questions, Munkeygrrl:

Besides your dreams, what made you suspect he wasn't being faithful? You said you want to ask him about it but you don't want him to get mad or offended; I don't understand that statement because from what you found, it sounds like he is being inappropriate with another girl, or are you saying the messaging wasn't necessarily suspicious? But then again, if his contact with her was appropriate, you wouldn't be hurt, right?


So what do you want to approach him about, the dream that doesn't necessarily mean anything and is beyond his control, some behaviors or signs that gave you concerns before your dreams began or the contact he's having with this other girl (if it's not appropriate)?


How old are you two?








~ cl-2nd_life

"Experience is what you get
when you don't get what you want."

~ Author unknown








"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-29-2006
Wed, 08-30-2006 - 7:11am
Ok, the fact that you dream things sometimes doesn't make it true. I have dreamt that I have won the lottery,...it hasn't happened yet. We all, including me get the urge to snoop and most of us have at one point. I f you can't tell him that you did, you really don't have trust and honesty with eachother anyway. You did however find out what you needed and wanted to know. He is talking to someone else innapropriately with or without intentions of going further. It is not something that should be accepted if you want the relationship to be serious. you can either confront him while admitting you looked through his privacy and see if he tells the truth. You probably will not believe what he says for fear he is denying it or lying. The better option, it doesn't seem like he is quite ready to be serious. It is wrong to overlook others privacy, you feel bad for it. With what you found out, figure out if you can honestly trust him. Also risk him not trusting you and your thoughts he that he can always find ways to do things without you finding out. You should go with your gut,...or in your case,..your dream. Let us know what yuo decide is right.


Edited 8/30/2006 7:25 am ET by intuition_girl0727
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-30-2006
Thu, 08-31-2006 - 2:28am
if you had a dream that it happened, then at least a teenie tiny part of you was thinking about it consciously.
i would pretend i never even saw the messages and just tell him about your dreams-- then just every now and then for a couple days mention how you are a little nervous about them. see what he says and if he lies then maybe tell him you visited his myspace. but then im also only 19 so this may be an imature way of going about it. i dunno. but thats what i would do.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-29-2006
Thu, 08-31-2006 - 2:46pm
She has a good point that youcould do that for an option but you already know he lied. Putting him in the trap to maybe lie again or tell the truth isn't going to change it. I guess it all depends if you want to stay with him or not.