Should I trust him?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-10-2011
Should I trust him?
13
Sun, 07-10-2011 - 11:04pm

Hi all,

I have been with my boyfriend for almost four years, and we moved in together a bit over 2 years ago. He has never given me a reason to doubt him, until recently.

A few months ago, he was out of town for a week for work. He had to work a lot with this one guy, who happens to be the type of loser who likes to go out in a pub every night, tip girls ridiculous amounts and those girls who clearly have self esteem issues would in return let him put his hands around them or literally grope them. Yeah pathetic, I know. This guy was taking my boyfriend out to that same bar almost every night, so you can imagine how I felt for a week.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2001
Mon, 07-11-2011 - 3:06am

Welcome to the board, Cat0621 ~

In my world, it isn't implausible to imagine someone offering to help someone they'd just met to get a job somewhere they'd worked.


~ cl-2nd_life

cl-2nd_
Avatar for ukgirl82
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-17-2005
Mon, 07-11-2011 - 8:42am
cat0621 wrote:

- I think he was attracted to this girl and that he was only offering to help as an excuse to keep in touch with her. I can't see why else a guy would randomly decide to help a girl he has just met in a bar.And I certaintly don't think he would have done the same thing had she been a much older and maybe less attractive woman.


Well, you know him better than I do but personally, I know my husband would be the type of guy who would help someone get a job if he was in a position to do so, regardless of what gender they were or how attractive they were. So I don't think it's out of the rhealms of possibility that your boyfriend would do the same. But lets assume that his motivation was because she was attractive (though I don't know how you know how attractive she is) - does it really matter? You saw that although there were lots of smilies, their conversations were mostly about work and that he was very clear with her about having a girlfriend and not sending mixed signals. He clearly had NO intention of taking it any further than just helping her get a job. Isn't that what matters? You can't know or control someone's every thought - all you can do is trust that they will behave appropriately. So maybe he thought she was attractive and he liked the attention from her - but that is clearly where it ended. He did not cross any boundaries or lines with her in my opinion and that is what's important.

Avatar for khatru1
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-07-2004
Mon, 07-11-2011 - 11:55am

I agree with the rest of the responses. The only thing that might be a concern is the sneaking out of the house. If he did indeed sneak out of the house solely to text her then that is something we should be called out on. There should be no reason to hide an innocent conversation from you. The only reason I can see why he would hide an innocent conversation and from others similar posts I have read, is if because he knows you very well and knows how you will react to communication with a female, and therefore decides to take the path of least resistence. That does not make it right, but it is a path of logic that I have seen others follow in similar situations.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2008
Mon, 07-11-2011 - 12:18pm

I think you should listen to your gut.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Mon, 07-11-2011 - 12:19pm

First of all, he told you about this girl w/o knowing that you looked at his phone, right?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Sat, 07-16-2011 - 2:47am

Are you talking about your BF fixing her up with a job where both him and his male friend work? If so, why isn't your BFS co worker helping her (since she is his friend) get a job? And i don't see anything wrong with you asking him "if he's attracted to her"

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Sat, 07-16-2011 - 2:55am

Nope. She found them on her own when she used his phone to text her brother

Avatar for ukgirl82
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-17-2005
Sat, 07-16-2011 - 11:43am
peaceyma wrote:

Are you talking about your BF fixing her up with a job where both him and his male friend work? If so, why isn't your BFS co worker helping her (since she is his friend) get a job?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Sat, 07-16-2011 - 1:27pm
Yes it does depend on the tone it was asked in. Accusitory or matter of fact?
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Sat, 07-16-2011 - 7:21pm

Yes she saw the TMs on his phone but he didn't know that.

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