The silent, uninvolved husband

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2008
The silent, uninvolved husband
19
Thu, 10-28-2010 - 10:05pm

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2008
Thu, 10-28-2010 - 10:59pm

There is no "should" here.

"The key to good decision making is not knowledge. It is understanding."
Malcolm Gladwell Blink

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-10-2010
Thu, 10-28-2010 - 11:44pm

Maybe he

Community Leader
Registered: 05-14-2001
Fri, 10-29-2010 - 12:26am

Welcome to the board, Iseeall ~

This type of issue has been posted on this board several times in the past, a guy who used to do the right things that becomes someone who is a slovenly and filthy.


~ cl-2nd_life

cl-2nd_
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2007
Fri, 10-29-2010 - 2:34pm

So while dating, there was good sex, regular/normal hygiene, normal eating habits?

Then after marriage

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2008
Fri, 10-29-2010 - 3:56pm

Thank you so much everyone for your thoughts and comments.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2007
Fri, 10-29-2010 - 4:52pm
He claims he lived at home as long as he did to get his father back for always trying to harass him into moving out. I always thought that was an incredibly childish reason, and not the real one.

I agree, this is a very unhealthy attitude to take as a grown adult. Something is wrong with that.

As for the hygiene and the comments from his family, this is probably how he was and is.

I think in all marriages that there turns out to be a habit that maybe didn't bother you at first, but then really grates on your nerves. I however, want to believe that if that person really loved you and held the marriage in high regard, they would want to do something about their habit.

You said he doesn't "believe" in keeping clean.

I am interested in how much of this you have communicated to him. Does he know how you feel and how it's really taking away from your marriage? What was the response? Maybe ask what you can change for him?

Some habits can be broken or minimized. However, if these habits are really about the core of the person then that's a different issue and really not something you can change.

Gluttony? As in he's really obese? Or just sloppy?
Community Leader
Registered: 05-14-2001
Fri, 10-29-2010 - 5:08pm

It sounds like there were some clues, you just weren't aware how serious the problem is.


~ cl-2nd_life

cl-2nd_
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Fri, 10-29-2010 - 7:27pm

My ex has bipolar disorder.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2008
Fri, 10-29-2010 - 8:53pm

What kind of motherly things do you do for him?

"The key to good decision making is not knowledge. It is understanding."
Malcolm Gladwell Blink

Community Leader
Registered: 05-14-2001
Fri, 10-29-2010 - 10:31pm

I agree 100% with Musiclover.


~ cl-2nd_life

cl-2nd_

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