situation

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2011
situation
61
Wed, 02-23-2011 - 6:54am

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-2009
In reply to: rav411b
Wed, 02-23-2011 - 8:11am
Honestly ? People who are mature enough to consider marriage don't call their moms to act as referee between them. People who are mature enough to be in a serious committed relationship don't throw ultimatums involving timer (really, a timer ? How old is your fiancee, 5 ?) and finaly, a man don't ever threaten the woman he loves, let alone his future wife. Violence is NEVER ok. It doesn't matter who is more wrong. You are both wrong and from what you wrote, it seems like a very toxic relationship. Therapy to learn how to communicate and how to resolve conflicts seem very appropriate at this point to me.

Be very careful tho. Would you really be capable of hurting your fiancee ? If it would have been me, I would have looked you straight in the eyes and told you to hurt me so good to leave enough marks so I can call the cops on you and throw your sorry a** in jail. These actions have consequences you know. Something to think about.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2004
In reply to: rav411b
Wed, 02-23-2011 - 8:55am

I see this a bit (A BIT) differently than Newlywed2009: I think this was some kind of disagreement between your fiancee and your mother, and your fiancee called to "straighten her out."

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009
In reply to: rav411b
Wed, 02-23-2011 - 10:15am

I would have dumped you. It's disgusting for a man to even threaten to hurt a woman. Do her a favor and break off the relationship so she doesn't have to deal with your threats anymore.

As far as "right" and "wrong"... Even if the other two didn't handle the situation well, your response was over-the-top horrible and unacceptable. Please seek help for why you reacted this way. A woman with self-respect wouldn't tolerate you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2007
In reply to: rav411b
Wed, 02-23-2011 - 12:21pm
My take will differ from all the above replies.

Your fiance , no matter what , has to respect her would be MIL . Its not always about being right or wrong. We forgive a 4 year old child if we teach them to say sorry even if they were the ones to punch another kid. Its how things are handled. Your fiance was probably disrespectful to your mom and on top refuses to apologize -- its for you to decide if you want a woman who would go to an extent of insulting others , begining with your mom , to prove her point. This would be a character flaw for some.

This could just be the first step to keep her out of your life from now on. Try arguing with her mom and see the result.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2007
In reply to: rav411b
Wed, 02-23-2011 - 12:40pm

Not very often we can read about both sides, if they are in fact two separate people (from another board):

My fiancee and I live together.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2011
In reply to: rav411b
Wed, 02-23-2011 - 12:47pm

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2007
In reply to: rav411b
Wed, 02-23-2011 - 12:53pm
Ah! Interesting swing!

Sounds like your mom is kind of sensitive, if that is in fact what your fiancee said to her. It was a reasonable request and she said she wasn't mean to her. Has she ever been mean to her before?

You still went overboard with your timer and threat to get her out even if you have to hurt her if she didn't apologize right away.

If you are going to marry someone, you do have to be a team with them. You're supposed to have their back or at the very least stay neutral if you do not agree; not side with mom automatically before even hearing the fiancee's side.

Or do you think your mom should be soothed at all times and her feelings put first?
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
In reply to: rav411b
Wed, 02-23-2011 - 12:58pm

If this is your fiance's side of the story, it seems that your mom is overly sensitive to end up crying over something like this.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2004
In reply to: rav411b
Wed, 02-23-2011 - 2:15pm

Folks, if both of these posts were from the same poster, then rav411b is ls33--the woman in the incident.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2011
In reply to: rav411b
Wed, 02-23-2011 - 2:17pm

I'm just struggling so much

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