Sleepovers @ friends when you're married
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| Wed, 03-01-2006 - 1:04pm |
To me the idea of a husband or wife sleeping over a friends house is weird (assuming you are not having some kind of big fight and need to get away). Would you feel weird about your husband going to stay the night at a friends house?
Let me give you the background story. I'm 24 & married (husband is 23). We have a 3.5 year old and I'm 8 mths pregnant. My husband has been real stressed with work (retail manager) and with us bickering lately (no huge fights, just bickering about dumb stuff like where the furnature should go in the babyroom). The other night he went out to play pool with a couple of friends which I wasn't invited to go because they wanted to talk about me (i'm not just being sarcastic or anything, that was the plan). When my husband came home a couple hours later he told me what was said (not right away but it came up). Anyway their advice to him while talking was basically that he should spend more time away from his family and his friend invite him to come spend the night tonight (he works from 9am until 9:30pm so would be going straight to his friends house).
To me, it just doesn't seem right that a married person would be having overnights at friends houses. I mean, that is something you did in highschool. Don't get me wrong, I have no problem if he wants to go hangout at this friends house, but I just don't like the overnight thing. I can understand if a friend lives a few hours away then it would make sense to stay the night rather than drive home. His friend has spent a few nights over here on our couch and I don't mind that at all. Keep in mind he's a bachlor and doesn't have a wife at home sitting around when he comes here to stay occasionally. I guess it just seems weird to me because my parents never had 'overnights' at friends houses. They only time my dad was ever away without my mom was when he had to go on a business trip.
It's not a huge deal, it just bothers me. So I wanted to get some outside opinions on the overnight thing. Maybe I'm just thinking like this because my parents never did that. Maybe I'm just not liking the idea because I'm over emotional since I'm 8 months pregnant.
Any feedback is welcome. Thanks.

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I haven't read the following posts, so forgive me if I repeat a post.
I think that overnighters are OK if all is good in the marriage. For instance, my DH went skiing without me when I was pregnant and if I could find a "partner in crime" I'd be off for a girl's weekend at the Great Barrier Reef in a shot. But this is simply a way to get a short break with minimum disruption to the family.
I wouldn't ever do a short break as a way to solve problems in the family. It doesn't solve problems - it only gives a break from the daily stresses of life.
(which reminds me....I must ask my sister if she's keen for a weekend away ;-))
Thanks for setting me straight where my assumptions were wrong, I appreciate it. Two quick things:
~ cl-2nd_life"Experience is what you get
when you don't get what you want."
~ Author unknown
"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
Thank you everyone for the advice. Incase any of you were wondering what happened.
Well I told him that I really didn't like the overnight idea and I would rather he came home after hanging out at his friends house. He agreed to not staying the night if I would let him sleep-in in the morning. So he did come home around 2am and in the morning my son and I went shopping so he could sleep in.
After he woke up, we discussed some of the things that came up on this board. Basically I told him I probably wouldn't mind an overnight if I wasn't 8mths pregnant (and could possibly be early since i'm already dilated to 2). And I also mentioned iv_aisha2004's advice which I liked, "I think that overnighters are OK if all is good in the marriage."
Coming in late on this, but I'm wondering why you have a problem with him being gone overnight? If he's staying with his friend, he'll be nearby and if you went into labor one phone call is all it would take. I guess I don't get why it's a big deal for you to let a guy who's stressed and needs a break an overnighter to breath.
I hear what you're saying about you having a problem because he accepts whatever bad advice his friends give him, but that's him, his choice, his decision. You can't get mad at him or his friend for that, it's your husband's decision to accept the advice or put it aside. If he's a store manager, I'd think he'd have to make decisions and weigh choices on a very regular basis, if he's not able to make good decisions about what information to use and what to discard, he won't last long in the managerial world. Or could it be that the advice he gets from friends isn't as bad as it is that it isn't what you'd like him to do?
At any rate, it kind of sounds to me like you're calling the shots and his step to make his own plans just got shot down. I could be wrong, but that's how it reads to me.
I agree with Geo Teo too, you talked like the problems between you were minor, little issues, but if that's true, how come he talked to his friend about them rather than about job stress, and how come you suggested counseling? Maybe there's more to it than you implied?
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