Smelly situation
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| Sat, 07-15-2006 - 6:00pm |
I have been dating a guy and we get along well. Recently we had our first sexual encounter and I almost gagged because he smelled bad... down there. We are both into oral and I feel bad for it, but it was hard to keep the momentum going at all after that. What can I do?
Would it be offensive to buy him soap and cologne and say... I really want to see how you smell with this? I was thinking of that. I just don't know if I want to continue and this is the only reason, even though we get along in other ways just fine. His breath also smells like cigarettes, even though he doesn't smoke around me, I don't smoke and I can still taste it. Is there something that will kill cigarette taste?
He is really nice and I hate for something this shallow to ruin an otherwise great relationship. Any other ideas?

I don't happen to think not liking the taste or smell of cigarettes is shallow. I'd never date a smoker whether they smoked around me or not. I can't stand the smell, let alone the taste when I'd kiss them.
Jen
I've always been of the thinking that if you're close enough with someone to be having a sexual relationship, you should be close enough to discuss anything.
You're soap suggestion might work, but if he doesn't use it, or doesn't wash himself all over with it, it won't work. I would think it would be best to just tell him the truth. You might suggest that he must collect a lot of sweat because; perhaps because it was such a warm day (or something that might fit), the smell in his genital area was particularly strong. Obviously, however you say it, you don't want to offend him or come across like you're accusing or judging, but I think being tactfully, carefully honest is the best approach. You might also tell him that you'd want him to tell you if you had a strong smell and you hope he'd be honest enough to tell you.
As far as cigarettes go, I am an ex-smoker, and I hear you there! My husband didn't quit until a good year after I did, and boy was it hard to put up with the smell. Kissing someone who's just had a cigarette is nothing short of gagging, for me, anyway. I don't know of any gum that works better than anything else, but brushing your teeth and the roof of your mouth really helps get rid of the smell on your breath. Probably not a lot of help since I doubt you're going to counsel your boyfriend on how to brush! Hopefully, someone else will have a good gum suggestion for you. But, for what it's worth, I don't think either of the issues you brought up are shallow. Sensory issues are pretty important, like you've already said, it's hard to stay in the moment when you're gagging from a bad smell.
~ cl-2nd_life"Experience is what you get
when you don't get what you want."
~ Author unknown
"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
Thanks for your replies and I'm going to be honest with him. Its worth it to try.
I'm glad you're going to talk to him, but IMO, that is *definitely* not a conversation to have over the phone...that needs to happen face to face.
I agree. I hope you didn't bring this up on the phone, this is a face-to-face conversation. Let us know how it goes!
~ cl-2nd_life"Experience is what you get
when you don't get what you want."
~ Author unknown
"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"