so helpful :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-15-2004
so helpful :)
5
Thu, 05-12-2011 - 3:41am

thanks so much!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2010
..... You need him to be a responsible parent?! If he did change to meet those needs, would he be the ONLY responsible parent to this child?
It sounds like you wanted this pregnancy to keep him with you, but rather than actually working things out in a mature way, you decided that bringing a child into this mess would fix your relationship issues with him....
I want to be supportive right now, and tell you things that show sympathy, but it's really hard....

If he wasn't sticking around for the first child, why would he somehow transform into the perfect man with this one?

You shouldn't wait. You should let him have his visits with the kids, but keep him out of your home, and focus on giving your children the best life you can give them, and stop bringing this toxic back-and-forth game into the picture. He's chosen to move onto another girl.

It's nice to say that you and he only want to have kids with one another, but he's not really being a part of that if he's out with other women.

Please take this second child as a chance to move passed the madness and to make yourself stronger and healthier as a mother. Think of your daughter being played like this - would that not bother you? Well, you are her role model, and YOU are teaching her that it's ok to accept a man doing this to her. Think of her when you want to get caught up in this drama again. Think about how each action will affect her and the new baby, and YOU take responsibility for what they experience and learn growing up. YOU be the responsible parent and create an atmosphere for your children that is safe and happy, and don't let him mess around with you and the kids.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009

I'm sorry but if you're having babies "on purpose" with a guy you're "sort of seeing" then you're an even less responsible parent than he is.

"I'm fine with being a single mother of two"

Then I guess everything worked out.

"

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999

When you two decided to have a baby was there any thought at that time of whether you would be raising the baby together or whether he was just going to be the sperm donor?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-15-2004


thanks!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009

You seem to think I'm "ignorant" but bottom line, there is a reason .women wait for some kind of commitment (whether it be marriage or even just a stable relationship) before they have babies. If you have kids and then expect a relationship, you have no leverage whatsoever. You're doing things ass-backwards. In terms of having a functional family unit, which seems to be what you want, you haven't done things in an order that makes sense. I didn't imply that you aren't a great mom, but it's not "responsible" to yourself and your idea of a "family" to have babies with a man and THEN look at why you don't have a relationship. Are you not willing to take responsibility for that choice?

I didn't suggest you had babies to try to trap him into a relationship, was that someone else...?

If you are fine with being a single mom, then this guy is a sperm donor and I'm not sure why you need advice. Because you don't know how to let go of your feelings for him? I'm not sure what to tell you... Having kids with someone is a bond that lasts forever. For most breakups we'd tell someone to cut contact forever but you can't do that.