Something's bothering me...

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anonymous user
Registered: 12-31-1969
Something's bothering me...
3
Tue, 07-31-2012 - 10:47am

Me and my bf have been going out for 5 months now. Things are great - we text all day (our work is flexible), we talk on the phone everyday, we hang out 1-3 times a week depending on how busy we are. When we hang out, we normally talk about business or work issues and how to solve them (we're in the same line of work), or sex. We never talk about "deeper relationship" type stuff ever. He's always there for me when I have a problem and he's turned into my best friend and vice versa. His schedule is so busy that since we started going out, he hasn't hung out with his group of friends - and for the same reason, I haven't met them yet. I haven't met his mom either, even though I know all about his family.

The thing is, when i tell him things that a remotely commital (like "I'm so glad I met you" or "you mean so much to me"), he just keeps quiet. He doesn't compliment me that often. But if I say something like "you're handsome", he'll respond with "you're gorgeous". Yesterday he told me I'm one of his most favorite people in the world on a list of less than 5 people.

So far we've had only  2 or 3 talks about "us". One of which was yesterday. So this is where it ended: I asked him "why are you with me? what do you like about me?". He said "I don't know. I like hanging out with you". He said he still doesn't know how he feels about me. I told him I love him a couple of months ago. But every question I have for him ends in an "I don't know" or "I don't know what I want". Maybe he's having all these doubts because he's not sure about me? Maybe there's a void that I don't fill? 

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Tue, 07-31-2012 - 6:31pm

The majority of the people (of course there are always exceptions) are still at the getting-to-know-each-other stage 5 months into a relationship.  It could very well be he really doesn't know, or not good at expressing feelings.  It is not unusual at all that you ahve not met his family. 

Sometimes, when a relationship feels right, just enjoy the moment and don't over analyze it.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Tue, 07-31-2012 - 6:58pm
Sounds likehe's just not ready for the depth of commitment you are. Maybe he's at a point in his life where he doesn't want to get serious with anyone. Or he's been in a serious relationship(s) and been hurt and is being cautious. Without knowing his history with relationships it's hard to guess.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007
Tue, 07-31-2012 - 7:17pm

Justme, you posted pretty much the same question less than a month ago.  http://forums.ivillage.com/t5/Problem-Solving-for-Couples/How-long-does-it-takes-for-guys-quot-to-know-quot-if-she-s-the/td-p/119466393    The responses are still very valid.   I suggest you re-read the thread.

My current thoughts remain the same as I wrote on the previous thread.