stubborn BF won't shower at night

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-22-2005
stubborn BF won't shower at night
40
Mon, 08-14-2006 - 11:24am

I'm having a huge problem at home. It's summer and my bf rides his bike to and from work. He's really sweaty when he comes home from work. He removes his sweaty clothes and lets him self dry from the ride home. I've asked him to shower before he comes to bed, but he refuses or the lies and tells me he rinsed off before he comes to bed. When he initially refused my request to shower I was almost speechless. He will shower in the mornings though.

I've relocated to our spare bedroom to sleep. I don't want to sleep next to someone who won't shower after being drenched in sweat and I don't care if it's dryed. He's still sticky and the sweat becomes funky. And it's also a matter of respect. It's the least you can do for the person you are sleeping inches from.

I've been in a relationship with this person for sometime and I think I ask little of this person. I think I'm pretty reasonable, actually. I"m not highly demanding, so when I ask for something I really want it to happen. This stubborness he's displaying is really turning me off.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Mon, 08-14-2006 - 12:44pm

You've stated your desire-- him showering the sweat off-- and then you did something to enforce that boundary you have. You moved bedrooms. Congrats. That's about all you can do. Now it's up to him to decide which is more important, never getting any, sleeping alone, and potentially losing you or showering quickly to remove the funky sweat smell.

But, there is nothing more you can do.

Jen

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2005
Tue, 08-15-2006 - 11:12am

I had this same issue at home with my husband! :)

Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2006
Tue, 08-15-2006 - 3:19pm

LOL Kimbirdy,

You're story is great. Just goes to show that husbands can be just like kids, a little positive reinforcement can go a long way. :-)

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2005
Tue, 08-15-2006 - 3:20pm
The funny part is that we were watching a program once and they were talking about how to train your husband, and mine says, "I'm not trainable!
Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2006
Tue, 08-15-2006 - 5:10pm
LOL, I think my DH would say exactly the same thing. I guess we'll just let them keep thinking that. :-)
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2006
Wed, 08-16-2006 - 10:16pm

kimbirdy,


Speaking of training, one night DH and I were lying in bed watching TV.

Defleppardgal

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2005
Thu, 08-17-2006 - 10:21am

That's too funny!

Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2006
Thu, 08-17-2006 - 6:53pm

kimbirdy,


Yeah, it was Jeff Foxworthly.

Defleppardgal

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 08-18-2006 - 11:50pm
I know this is late and not at all what the rest of the folks had to say, but I have to say it anyway. A guy who would refuse to shower knowing that he smells and knowing he's offensive to his girlfriend is someone that I'd have serious concerns about. If they don't have any more care or concern for you or for their personal hygiene, what else won't they care about down the road. Sheesh, most of us would quickly go take care of whatever we needed to if our s/o's informed us we smelled bad, whether it was armpits, breath freshener, whatever we needed to do, the last thing we want to be is offensive and smelly - and when I say we I'm talking about men and women. I absolutely agree with you that it's a matter of respect. I had a boyfriend once who loved garlic and could have cared less if his breath was putrid. If I told him his breath was really offensive and asked him to brush his teeth, he'd refuse. I ended the problem of his bad breath by showing him the door. I shower in the mornings myself, but when I work out after work, I shower then. I still rinse off in the morning (I like my morning shower), but I wouldn't go without cleaning up after a workout.


Have you asked your boyfriend why he refuses? If so, what does he say? Is this your place, his or a shared residence?








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when you don't get what you want."

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-22-2005
Sat, 08-19-2006 - 9:49pm
We've finally achieved some middle ground about this. He showers now. It really hurt my feelings though. Much of the time I feel like I am pulling teeth with him. At it's core, I believe, it's plain immaturity and stubborness and that has become, on many levels, exhausting for me to deal with. I finally put it to him that I am lonely sleeping alone. I I just want him to take a shower and want to sleep in bed with my boyfriend. Is not showering that important that it would alienate me? So many things between us are a power struggle. I wonder how it will be in the future if he doesen't get that under control.

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