"Stuffing my face"

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2004
"Stuffing my face"
10
Wed, 01-23-2013 - 6:19pm

 

Ok, I know the subject line sounds ridiculous but I just need a few unbiased opinions.  

My BF made a comment which I thought was somewhat offensive, but he said it was just a joke..   What do you think?:

We were eating chicken wings, while watching a football game, and he said (for no apparent reason), "You missed the play because you were busy stuffing your face."  :o   I didn't say anything at the time.... but told him later that I thought it was kinda rude.   Normally, I'm a person who has a great sense of humor and can be somewhat sarcastic myself... but I didn't like this one.   This guy also told me a while back that he thought I had "Nice ham hocks" in reference to my legs.  (I laughed this one off...)  Do you think his sarcasm is a bit much?

I'd love male/ or female opinons.  Thanks!

 

Avatar for Kendahke1
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-09-2012
Wed, 01-23-2013 - 6:39pm

bacilosfan wrote:
<p> </p><p>Ok, I know the subject line sounds ridiculous but I just need a few unbiased opinions.  </p><p>My BF made a comment which I thought was somewhat offensive, but he said it was just a joke..   What do you think?:</p><p>We were eating chicken wings, while watching a football game, and he said (for no apparent reason), "You missed the play because you were busy stuffing your face."  :o   I didn't say anything at the time.... but told him later that I thought it was kinda rude.   Normally, I'm a person who has a great sense of humor and can be somewhat sarcastic myself... but I didn't like this one.   This guy also told me a while back that he thought I had "Nice ham hocks" in reference to my legs.  (I laughed this one off...)  Do you think his sarcasm is a bit much?</p><p>I'd love male/ or female opinons.  Thanks!</p><p> </p>

It is quite indelicate, that's for sure. He's not well versed in sweet prose, huh?

I can understand why you would be offended because the comment came out of nowhere and seemed, at least to me, like "unnecessary roughness".  It was rude. Did he apologize for it or did he dismiss your hurt feelings?

Is he frequently obliviously insensitive like that?  You were eating, you weren't "stuffing your face".  That implies snark aimed at your weight, which is something many women are sensitive about.  Was it actually masking something about how you look that he doesn't like?  If your weight is not an issue iwth him, then why would he phrase it in a way that implies that it was?

A better way to informally compliment a familiar woman's legs is to say "nice stems", not "nice ham hocks". That is a backhanded compliment.  He needs some serious work with a  thesaurus for romantic language. 

Yes, I think it's a bit much... I love sarcasm, but I never direct it at people who I care about and I especially don't direct it at their physical appearance. That's being mean.

Avatar for ukgirl82
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-17-2005
Thu, 01-24-2013 - 6:14am

It wouldn't have bothered me personally but I suppose it could if you're sensitive about your body. Maybe it's just me but I would have found it funny - everyone gets hungry and anyone can indeed be distracted by what they're eating. I don't think it was necessarily aimed at your body weight, especially if you admit you do eat fast, it was probably a reference to that instead. I am a foodie so I like my food and if my husband joked that I missed something because I was stuffing my face, I'd probably laugh and agree with him! For the record, I have very similar dimensions as you do - 5ft and currently weigh 103lbs - I've gotten up to 120lbs and I've been as low as 82lbs so I have experience with a range of weights.

But I do think referring to your legs as "ham hocks" is insensitive - I don't think most women, no matter her weight, wants her body directly compared to an animal know for being fat. If these sort of comments are becoming a regular theme then yes, I think it's inappropriate. It's funny though how the comment that would have bothered me more doesn't bother you as much and the one that doesn't bother me is the one that did bother you! Everyone is just different and I guess you can't expect him to be psychic about what will or will not bother you but if you tell him it bothers you and he doesn't apologize, that would bother me the most.

Avatar for xxxs
Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010
Thu, 01-24-2013 - 2:12pm

  YES you are too sensitive.  "Stuffing you face"  means eating; do you look at the food or the screen while eating?  Watch many people watch the screen while eating.  "Ham hocks" is him being him.  He could mean it in several ways.  I suggest expressing confusion. Men do not take hints!  By feigning ignorance he will be stressed to explain without accusation.   If you miss the action on the screen then is may also be a synchronization problem.  Many men time the food to mouth sequence so the looking at the food is not going to interfere with watching the play.  Observe him and the plays see if he does this. 

   Also,parts of your body that bother you may be parts he actually likes.  Men among their friends show liking differently (also by culture,class,status etc)

   Men and women although of the same species are very different in mental processes and hormonal response.

chaika

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2004
Thu, 01-24-2013 - 2:53pm

Xxxs, being male does not give him the right to be rude, especially if he wants a relationship with the OP. 

Avatar for Kendahke1
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-09-2012
Thu, 01-24-2013 - 6:20pm

bacilosfan wrote:
Thanks Kendahke... I'm actually very petite, 5' tall and 105lbs, but I do tend to eat fast. As for my legs, they're probably the biggest part of my body... but for some reason the ham hock comment doesn't bother me much.. Oh, yes.. He did dismiss my feelings. He said I couldn't take a joke, or something along those line... Thanks for pointing out the real issue! We all deserve to be with people who care about our feelings.

When they tell you that you "can't take a joke", then that is a huge red flag that should not be ignored.  That is the entry point of emotional abuse and a trigger for you to start rethinking the wisdom in being with someone who esteems you this way. 

No, what you can't take is being made to be the target of his meanness. Tread carefully with this guy.

And you aren't too sensitive. You are sensitive enough for who you are in this lifetime. If what he said hurt your feelings, then you are not wrong for your feelings being hurt. 

If he's got unresolved issues left over from a disagreement the night before, then making a mean comment to you about something extremely insignificant is nothing more than him being passive-aggressive.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2004
Fri, 01-25-2013 - 9:52am

Thanks Kendahke...   I'm actually very petite, 5' tall and 105lbs.   My BF has told me before that he thinks I eat fast, so his comment seemed (to me) a blunt way to point out a behavior which  he doesn't like.   (There're times when I think he eats like a savage... but it's not a biggie for me.   I accept him for who he is.)  As for my legs, they're probably the biggest part of my body, but the ham hock comment doesn't really bother me.   (Men have often complimented my strong, sexy legs and I think I'm confident with my body/ and body image.)    Oh, yes.. He dismissed my feelings.   He said "I can't take a joke" or something along those lines.   Thanks for pointing out the real issue.  We deserve to be with people who listen to us, understand our weak points/ and insecurities, and respect our feelings.   

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2004
Fri, 01-25-2013 - 9:56am

"Stuffing your face" implies eating like a pig.  He could've said:  "Hey you missed the play 'cause you were busy eating."  Words, intonation, and mood, all play a factor in the interpretation. We actually had an argument the night before and I wasn't in much of a jokey mood.. 

Avatar for khatru1
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-07-2004
Fri, 01-25-2013 - 11:05am

I think those two comments were meant as digs, not as harmlessly fooling around with you. They stem from something at that moment that he was thinking of that annoyed him. So apparently those are they way you eat and your thighs. I think you have every right to be offended.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2002
Thu, 02-21-2013 - 3:26pm

Why not turn the tables on him and make a comment about his body or manners?  I think in any relationship you can get to a point where you tease each other, my husband and I do it all the time.  We know each other very well, and know the buttons to press if we choose to do so (which we generally don't).  Some people say things without thinking due to the circumstances of the moment, but not necessarily mean anything by it.

Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

.  -Albert Einstein

Community Leader
Registered: 05-14-2001
Sun, 03-03-2013 - 6:27pm

The fact that he's commented before on how fast you eat pretty much tells you that his "stuffing your face" comment was him commenting on a habit that bothers him.  Uncalled for and his problem, not yours, so he should keep his mouth in check on that one.  You might ask him sometime how the speed of your eating affects him and why it bothers him.  Perhaps being pushed to actually think about it might make a difference to how he reacts in the future.

I agree that the statement about you not being able to take a joke is a red flag.  IF he were joking, what he should be doing after you react is learning what hurts you and adjusting his comments.  The fact that he puts it back on you says he's not listening or caring of your feelings but blaming you.

If this kind of behavior continues, I'd dump him.  Someone who's not sensitive to your feelings isn't worth your time.


~ cl-2nd_life

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