Suzenerica, you still here?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Suzenerica, you still here?
2
Thu, 03-27-2003 - 12:45am
You are NOT a moron! You've been lulled into a habit or pattern, not unlike a zillion other habits we all fall into. You do it for a while, suddenly look up and realize you've been doing it *for ever*! At least for far too long -- and you don't like it!

What you have to realize is that you've been trying to solve your problem with the same tactics again and again. It's been proven that those aren't working for you, it's time to try something else, that's what I was trying to say. You know what the definition of insanity is, don't you? It's doing the same thing over and over, expecting different results! You've been throwing hints and approaching him in a joking, easy manner; it hasn't worked, he's not getting the message that this is serious and you truly expect results. You need him to hear you and hear you loud and clear. This is a serious matter, don't feel you're being petty, you're not. Talk to him as you would any other serious matter, you wouldn't approach it jokingly, would you?

cl-2nd_life








"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 03-29-2003 - 12:43am
ITA, but we can't talk about it in an adult manner. So we are definitely going to need a third, objective opinion. We just go round and round and it never seems to end. He's agreeable to counseling and as soon as I have a free moment I'm going to find one. Thanks.~~Sue
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 03-29-2003 - 2:21am
I agree as well, Suze>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

I certainly wasn't trying to talk you out of seeing a counselor (not after all the times I've been accused of posting a pat "see a counselor" message - how could I destroy my image - LOL!) I was just throwing out a few thoughts to get you thinking in a little different vein. I know how easy it can be to get so stuck in one way of responding in a situation that you forget to take a step back and look at the whole picture or to look for other avenues.

A book I think would be helpful to you is "The Dance of Anger, A Woman's Guide to Changing Intimate Relationships In Her Life", by Harriet Goldhar Lerner. It's a very interesting, clear book that's an easy read. It was recommended to me by my therapist and proved to be everything she said it was and more.

Good luck! Keep us posted on your progress! Stick around, it's nice to see a familiar face in here!

cl-2nd_life








"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"