Thinking of Leaving-Need Advice
Find a Conversation
Thinking of Leaving-Need Advice
| Wed, 01-11-2006 - 6:10pm |
I have been married for 15 years to my husband. We had a very good marriage. He is the love of my life. We have no children. This is what has happened to me, my husband lost his job almost 3 years ago. The industry he was in was hit after 9/11. At first he collected unemployment, this was ok, he was looking but could not find anything. I let it go while he had the unemployment, thought he would get something soon. Not to make this too long I am going to jump. It is almost 3 years later and 2 years after the unemployment ran out and he is not working. He is healthy and there is nothing wrong with him. He has not contributed any money towards our expenses. I cant take it anymore. I never cared what he did as long as he did something. He just doesnt get it. I am so scared.

Hi Newfie,
I'm sorry to hear of your DH's job loss. That is a hard thing to take for any length of time, let alone 3 years.
I have to ask, is your DH still looking for a job or is he just letting you support the two of you now? Do you have a great job that can easily support you two? What is your DH doing if he isn't looking for a job? Do you think he's depressed?
The reason I ask about depression is because for most men, their identity is what they do. Their jobs are their lives. It could be (without knowing any more from you this is a wild stab in the dark) that after searching (really searching) for a job for over a year that your DH got depressed or figured that there wasn't any way he was going to find a job or realized that you could support the 2 of you without him working. Who knows? Have you talked with him about it? What has he said about looking/working?
And now for even more questions: You say that he doesn't get it. What and how have you told him about this bothering you?
Jen
Welcome to the board, Newfie60. I understand how hard it must be for you to have waited so long for things to get better only to find that nothing's changed.
Jen's right, men's self worth is typically very much tied into their ability to be the breadwinner, to provide for their family and it's very possible that your husband is sinking lower and lower, feeling less and less capable and less and less like a real man as time goes on. Of course, without more information from you we can't really have any idea how he's feeling or what's going on with him. I'm hoping you'll tell us more so we can offer you some suggestions that might really work to help you. I'm also sure it's probably a little hard for you feel much sympathy for him by now, and you've probably lost a ton of respect for him as well as your patience. My ex-husband was once unemployed for a year, I remember well how I felt by the time the year was up, I can hardly imagine how you must feel after three.
I'm wondering the same things Jen is, is he still looking for work? Is he looking outside of his field? Has he or is he looking towards retraining into something else? How are the two of you doing financially? Are you working? What does he do with his days? How is he feeling, how does he seem to be doing? Do the two of you talk about this? If so, what does he say about it, and if not, why not?
Lots of questions, I know, but knowing the answers will give us a better picture of what's going on and with a better picture we'll be able to give better suggestions. How are YOU doing, besides scared, I mean?
~ cl-2nd_life"You can't control the length of your life,
but you can control the width and depth."
~ Author unknown
Edited 1/12/2006 3:47 am ET by cl-2nd_life
"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"