I have been dating my bf for 4 1/2 years now.
Welcome to the board, What_is_real ~
I would say it's not your lack of trust that's ruining your relationship, it's his continued lies and hiding that have ruined both any reason for trust and the relationship.
I think what's tripping you up is the fact that you don't have a problem with communication with women.
You are probably right here...
@2nd-Life, this is really insightful, good advice. I don't know why, but I keep thinking that the other women have the answers I need. I just drafted an email to the ex girlfriend asking her what she would do if she were me, knowing what she knows. And, one to the other girl who just connected on linked-in saying "Hi, I'm Joe's girlfriend and thought it would be nice if we could connect." Although, I'm also thinking of doing that on facebook where my profile pic is the two of us together. Then I think this is really childish, so I know I probably won't do it, I just like to think about it....
I like 2nd_life's response. I don't have much to add.
I agree that "leave" sounds like a much better option than "get over it". You deserve more than just a spot in a secret harem. This guy gets away with this kind of behavior because he's able to successfully hide it, and because the women in his life accept it.
A spot in a secret harem. - Ughhh. I agree. He sounds like a narcissist who desperately needs attention.
It's sort of another version of 'keeping his options open'. It is as if he cannot fully commit to you. He needs to keep the ex's on the back burner. He can't totally close the door on the previos relationships he has had.