Too many other women around.....

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-21-2011
Too many other women around.....
30
Mon, 03-21-2011 - 1:12am

I have been dating my bf for 4 1/2 years now.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Mon, 03-21-2011 - 1:37am
Id be suspicious if another woman was telling my SO that "she couldn't wait to see him" and he responded "he couldn't wait to see her. That sounds like something that BF and Gf would say to each other. I think he's (like a lot of other men) is just getting off on the attention he is getting from these women. Men often do this for validation that they are still sought after by other women. I think men will always minimize this behavior and that he would probably understand this more if the shoe were on the other foot and YOU were acting like this with other men. Seems the only way they get it.. Since he is basically in denial that he is doing anything wrong.,
you really are going to have a hard time getting him to understand you and visa versa.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-21-2011
Mon, 03-21-2011 - 1:58am
I'm thinking of contacting these three other women and finding out what their stories are... but I'm not so sure that would be a good idea.
Community Leader
Registered: 05-14-2001
Mon, 03-21-2011 - 4:11am

Welcome to the board, What_is_real ~

I would say it's not your lack of trust that's ruining your relationship, it's his continued lies and hiding that have ruined both any reason for trust and the relationship.

I think what's tripping you up is the fact that you don't have a problem with communication with women.


~ cl-2nd_life

cl-2nd_
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-21-2011
Mon, 03-21-2011 - 6:38am

You are probably right here...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-21-2011
Mon, 03-21-2011 - 6:43am

@2nd-Life, this is really insightful, good advice. I don't know why, but I keep thinking that the other women have the answers I need. I just drafted an email to the ex girlfriend asking her what she would do if she were me, knowing what she knows. And, one to the other girl who just connected on linked-in saying "Hi, I'm Joe's girlfriend and thought it would be nice if we could connect." Although, I'm also thinking of doing that on facebook where my profile pic is the two of us together. Then I think this is really childish, so I know I probably won't do it, I just like to think about it....

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009
Mon, 03-21-2011 - 8:50am

I like 2nd_life's response. I don't have much to add.

I agree that "leave" sounds like a much better option than "get over it". You deserve more than just a spot in a secret harem. This guy gets away with this kind of behavior because he's able to successfully hide it, and because the women in his life accept it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2008
Mon, 03-21-2011 - 1:08pm

A spot in a secret harem. - Ughhh. I agree. He sounds like a narcissist who desperately needs attention.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Mon, 03-21-2011 - 1:51pm
Chances are they will stick with him and DENY anything is going on. The best way to find out what's up is if you have access to his cell phone and e mail accounts. That's how a lot of women bust their SO for cheating. You'd be surprised what is found out when your SO accidentally leaves an e mail account open one day.
Avatar for khatru1
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-07-2004
Mon, 03-21-2011 - 2:06pm

It's sort of another version of 'keeping his options open'. It is as if he cannot fully commit to you. He needs to keep the ex's on the back burner. He can't totally close the door on the previos relationships he has had.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2002
Mon, 03-21-2011 - 3:54pm

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