totally different

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2010
totally different
2
Tue, 01-19-2010 - 4:32pm
i have a child under the age of 5 and my partner has two, and we often have conflicts over our different ways of parenting. i am much more laid back whilst he is rather strict. i have compromised on many occasion and have felt i am bending over backwards, where as if i question anything he says/does im totally in the wrong for not backing him up and throws a major strop, telling the kids not to ask him as he isnt in charge. if he doesnt grow up and lighten up a little with the kids, cant see this working
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2007
In reply to: ahveld
Tue, 01-19-2010 - 8:26pm

Why don't you guys see a couples or family counselor together? Or take a parenting class together? You each seem to believe that each of your parenting ways are the "right" way, but what about opening up to maybe an even better way, a way to learn together?

If he's pretty dead set that it's his way or the highway, then yes, I'd question the relationship at that point. Same with you, if you don't want to budge, then move on.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: ahveld
Wed, 01-20-2010 - 2:17am
I think seeing a couples counselor or family counselor is a great idea, assuming you both are interested and willing.

I would agree if this continues it's not a workable situation. Being in agreement on child rearing is right at the top of the list when combining families. Things are tough enough when you do agree, not agreeing is a recipe for disaster. You'll hate that he's so tough, he'll go nuts that you're so easy, and the kids will be caught in the middle, like it or not.

Your sign is that he IS a grown up (actually, assumed on my part!), he's dealing with things as is his style. What you're seeing is a view of how he handles things. If it doesn't mesh with how you think things should be handled, or if his outbursts aren't something you feel is appropriate or tolerable (they're not), then you've learned some pretty important things about him. This is what dating is for -- the ability to observe and determine if the guy is right for you or not.











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