turns every discussion around to be about him

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2011
turns every discussion around to be about him
3
Wed, 08-08-2012 - 9:04am

How can you get your SO/BF/hus. to focus on someone other than themselves? Whenever I need some support he turns every conversation to being about him. I guess he's either a narcicist or needy. What does it mean when they do this?How can they see beyond themselves?

I try to be specific like say,. "I need empathy" and use words like "I  feel" this or that,  not to do with him, but ME, like say, there is a difficult co- worker  and it's hard working with her and I say to him,  she upsets me, and he will turn it all around like it's about him.Then when he meets her he will say, so and so is a really nice lady. Like he doesn't digest he's married to ME and I'm having difficulties with this person and he forgot that right away.I don't even know what to say to him, look she's causing me problems.......he's just blank. 

I don't know what to do. How can I make it better? 

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-13-2006
Wed, 08-08-2012 - 1:32pm

He does sound like he's a narccist and they only care about themselves so they don't want to  understand that anyone else can have any problems..you can't go to him about your issues any longer.Go to a close friend from now on because you husband/bf will NEVER get it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2011
Wed, 08-08-2012 - 4:56pm

I had a discussion about everything today with a bff and felat better .Yeah, that's the only way to go. Frustrating sometimes. 

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007
Wed, 08-08-2012 - 6:01pm

Jeannie, I'm not diagnosing him as narcissist or anything else based on just one part of his personality.    However, a lack of empathy, bringing every conversation back to himself and inability to cope with the distress of others is a calling card of Aspergers (on the autism spectrum).

Now, it could be that he's just lacking in this one area.   To reiterate, describing one part of his personality isn't enough to make an educated guess at any cause.    But I would suggest you go through this check list and see if Aspergers describes him

Aspergers Checklist for Adults