A two year problem.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-2013
A two year problem.
6
Thu, 06-27-2013 - 11:12am

My guy (who now refuses to allow me to call him my boyfriend) is saying that I'm the worst girlfriend ever. Apparently in our two year reationship, I've been awful, I've been paracistic, and I've been blind. He says he's done with it. That I need to work on a laundry list of things and so for the mean time we're not "together." He's changed his passwords, tells me not to go "poking" around his phone or email. He says that he's "taking care of himself" now. I'm honestly at a loss.

I don't know where to begin.

To I fight or him?

Or leave him to go do whatever he pleases?

Please help.-

Avatar for mahopac
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-1997
Thu, 06-27-2013 - 12:10pm

If I told someone we were through and told him why and changed my passwords, I would think I had made myself rather clear:  we are through.  There is nothing to fight for, because I HAVE LEFT. 

Was this the first time he's ever expressed dissatisfaction, or was it a complete surprise?  Is his "laundry" list of things you need to change reasonable or spiteful?

Are you living together?  If so, does he plan to move out?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009
Thu, 06-27-2013 - 1:32pm

First, I wouldn't be calling him "my guy"........I don't think what I'd call him would pass inspection here!  There isn't enough information here.  In two years, he's never complained, it just came out of the blue?  I kinda doubt that.   He says you have a laundry list of thing to "work on"?  I take it that he's PERFECT in every way?  Do you live together?  Do you fight for him?  Why would you?  Why would you want to be with someone who treats you that way?  Do you just let him do what he pleases?  Honey, he will, and probably has BEEN doing what he pleases, no matter what.  You don't own him......and I can't imagine why you'd stay with him for 5 minutes after he said those things to you.  If you live together, then one of you needs to move out.  If you don't, then walk away and never look back. It's called "pride".

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2012
Thu, 06-27-2013 - 1:52pm

Upon reading your post I get the distinct feeling that you don't know yourself.  Who you are. What you are. This guy has made some very hateful and hurtful comments to you. He has also taken some strong negative actions against you personally.  And you have responded with a request for help.  Maybe this is simplistic, but if what he has said is true, it appears you have no reason to try and continue this relationship. It also appears that if what he is said is not true, you have no reason to try and continue this relationship. In my honest opinion, I think you should strongly consider investing no more time, pain and energy in this relationship. My hope for you is that you will work on getting to know yourself better. This may help you from getting into a similar "relationship" going forward. I wish you good luck.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Thu, 06-27-2013 - 9:58pm

If someone told me I was "the worst GF ever" then I'd tell him to have a nice life.  How can you "fight for" a relationship when one party wants none of it?  I do agree with the others who said that it seems impossible that things were going along great for 2 years and then one night he just blows up and said you were terrible.  So either he had mentioned a bunch of things that you were doing "wrong" and you never listened & he got fed up--and if what he said he didn't like is reasonable, then you should work on changing those things--not for him, but if they were basic things, then maybe no other guy will like them either.  Or if it seemed like everything was fine, he never complained and did blow up for no reason, then he is unreasonable and why would you want to be with him?  The 3rd possibility is that the things he wants you to change are unreasonable and superficial (like you wouldn't put up with him being disrespectful or flirting with other women)--so why would you change yourself to be like that?  In any event, it looks like this relationship is done.

Avatar for lizmvr
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-06-2001
Thu, 06-27-2013 - 11:10pm

It sounds to me like you were "poking around" his email and other accounts. Why would you do that? Did you not trust him? That alone is a good reason to not stay together. If you can't trust the guy, why would you want to continue being in that type of relationship? If you didn't have any reason not to trust him, I can easily understand why he'd not want to be with someone who is seemingly unreasonably paranoid.

Either way, you don't have anything to "fight for" in terms of this relationship with him. I agree with the poster that suggests you spend some time getting to know yourself better before trying again to build a relationship with anyone.

Liz


Clinical Research Associate


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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2001
Sun, 06-30-2013 - 12:04pm

What are the things he says you need to work on?  Were you snooping on his phone and computer?  Did he share his passwords with you before?  When I hear the answers to those things I'll be able to give you an answer.


~ cl-2nd_life

cl-2nd_