"Uninterested Hubby!"

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2006
"Uninterested Hubby!"
17
Thu, 05-25-2006 - 12:39pm
I wish someone could tell me what to do with my husband!!..John never wants to sleep or have sex with me anymore but I have caught him chatting with other women on the computer and stroking his penis until he has an orgasm! What can I do to make him want to have sex with me.....frustrated.......Jessica

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2004
Fri, 05-26-2006 - 9:44pm

I'm also thinking about your terminology. I agree that if my partner said my suggestion was "nasty", I'd be quite offended. Though I don't think I'd hold a grudge for two years.....unless lots of my suggestions were vetoed'.

I suppose what I'm wondering is whether the two of you are sexually compatible. Deep throating aside, do you generally like to do the same types of things in bed as him? Are you open to experimentation? Do you initiate sex and suggest variations when in the bedroom? Are you confident in the bedroom? Do you enjoy the mess that sex makes?

Also, while I understand your aversion to deep throat, is giving and receiving oral sex part of your regular sex repetiore? Before he started doing the online porn thing, did he have any reason to be unsatisfied in the bedroom?

You said "the way I see it sex seems like it would feel a like better than a hand job but I guess men have other ideas".

It's not just men who feel this way. Good sex is about variety. It's like pizza.... you wouldn't want to eat the same type of pizza all the time would you? Sometimes a hand job or oral sex makes a nice break from intercourse.

Dress Up Games, Doll Makers and Cartoon Dolls @ The Doll Palace
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 05-26-2006 - 10:22pm

It sounds to me like there are some very serious communication problems in this relationship -- from both parties.








~ cl-2nd_life

"Experience is what you get
when you don't get what you want."

~ Author unknown








"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2004
Sat, 05-27-2006 - 5:54am
I still think there is a large portion of this problem remaining untold.
Dress Up Games, Doll Makers and Cartoon Dolls @ The Doll Palace
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2006
Sat, 05-27-2006 - 12:25pm
John used to love sex,sometimes we would sex 2 or 3 times a day, he also enjoyed performing oral sex on me,but ever since he started chatting our sex life has seemed to fizzle out,,,he seems to enjoy chatting with other women on the net,I have put on a little weight but not that much so I dont know if its a turn off or chatting with those women is a turn on for him,,it must surely be because I have caught him masterbating at least 4 times already and its embarrasing to say but it makes me horny as hell to see him cumming...sometimes I want to throw that computer out the door then maybe John will have time for me again,,,,,Jessica
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2004
Sat, 05-27-2006 - 7:05pm

>>sometimes I want to throw that computer out the door then maybe John will have time for me again<<

Jessica, I understand your frustration - but you're putting the cart before the horse. Him jumping online is most likely his attempt to find something that he felt was missing in the marriage. If you remove the PC, the cause will remain unfixed and he could well go and seek what he's missing in real life.

This is why we've been asking all these questions about your marriage that I assume you find irrelevant. (Because you haven't answered them)

When I asked you about your sex life before all this, you've replied that you used to have sex frequently and the he'd sometimes perform oral on you. However, you avoided all the questions which would show us if he was fulfilled by your sex life. Fulfillment doesn't come from quantity - it comes from quality. Hence all my questions on the QUALITY of sex that remain unanswered by you.

I know our questions seem to be strange, but we've had years of experience at marriage and sex between us. We're pretty good at figuring out the causes of problems instead of simply addressing the symptoms.

If you really want to figure this out with our help, go back through the posts and answer all the questions that we've asked. Especially about the state of your marriage and the quality of your sex life.

Dress Up Games, Doll Makers and Cartoon Dolls @ The Doll Palace
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 05-29-2006 - 12:07am

I agree, I don't think we've begun to hear the beginning of this yet either, and I suspect the beginning of the problems weren't about sex at all.








~ cl-2nd_life

"Experience is what you get
when you don't get what you want."

~ Author unknown








"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 05-29-2006 - 12:12am

Jessica, has your husband always used words that you didn't like? I'm guessing that his terminology didn't suddenly change. I'm also wondering what kind of problems you were having in your marriage before the porn and lack of sex began to be a problem. This may seem like the only problem that needs to be dealt with at this point, but the truth is that unless you deal with the problems that led up to the porn and lack of sex, you won't be able to deal with the problems that resulted from them. You've got to look at and fix the root of the problem in order to fix the problems that came after them.








~ cl-2nd_life

"Experience is what you get
when you don't get what you want."

~ Author unknown








"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"

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