Unreasonable?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-10-2011
Unreasonable?
3
Mon, 07-11-2011 - 12:09am

Hello :) this is my first post here so thank you for any and all advice given!

I'm not sure if there is even a problem with the situation or whether or not I'm just being selfish and unnecessarily jealous.

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 4 years now and our relationship is going pretty smoothly. We don't have much problems but when issues do come up we know how to handle them and compromise. We do not live together but I visit his place frequently, as he does mine.
His younger sister (by a few years) is renting out a room in their home to one of her friends. Her friend is very attractive.. I've met her once before.. and she is also nice. This friend (I'll call her Eve), has a job and is paying rent as well so there shouldn't be any problems. But for some reason this new living situation, with a strange (very attractive!) girl living in the same place as my boyfriend makes me feel on edge and upset. My boyfriend is attentive and caring, he has never given me any reason to doubt or mistrust him so I don't know why I am feeling this way. I feel like I don't want to go over anymore when she is there.. maybe I'm feeling territorial? I know I don't have the right to since it isn't my place after all.

So I guess my question is whether I'm being unreasonable or not.. and if so, should I do anything about it? (although there really isn't much to do..)

Thank you for any and all advice! :D

Community Leader
Registered: 05-14-2001
In reply to: eos_123
Mon, 07-11-2011 - 3:12am

Welcome to the board, Eos_123

I think you're right, you're feeling territorial, and understandably so.


~ cl-2nd_life

cl-2nd_
Avatar for ukgirl82
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-17-2005
In reply to: eos_123
Mon, 07-11-2011 - 6:54am
It's understandable that you would feel uncomfortable with it - not because you don't trust him but because living with someone is a very intimate thing. You see them in the morning when they first wake up, you see them in their PJs, you may even run into them heading to the bathroom in the middle of the night. You see their toiletries, you see them coming out of the shower (maybe in just a towel) and unfortunately, you may get a whiff from the bathroom after they've used it.

While there is nothing wrong with any of that - it is all very intimate in my opinion and I can see why you'd be uncomfortable with him sharing that kind of thing with another women who is not a relative. I don't think there's any harm in talking to him about it and telling him how you feel - BUT you can't expect anything to change. Sometimes just voicing your feelings and knowing he understands is enough though. I would say something like "I don't expect you to do anything about it but I want you to know I'm not 100% comfortable with you living with her. I don't love it but I will tolerate it because you've never given me reason not to trust you. I hope you can understand how I'm feeling."
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
In reply to: eos_123
Mon, 07-11-2011 - 12:23pm

Is his sister living there also?