Verklempt about hubby and our arguments
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|Sun, 01-22-2012 - 9:58pm|
This is not so much about arguments, but how they start. The last one, which happened just about 20 minutes ago is a frustrating one. We don't argue that much. Hubby is more of the tempermenta stubbornl one, and I am more the calm one. If I started yelling, it would get worse from there. I think he hates it when I try to be calm and talk rationally. He starts yelling and swearing.
The latest one happened this evening. We were watching a football game, and my cellphone rings. I answered it on the couch and turned down the volume. I wasn't even on the phone that long. He gets up and goes into the other room to do something. I finished the conversation and he then I tell him I am done. He says he isn't interested in the game anymore. I ask why and he says it's because I answered the phone and didn't go into the other room. I did apologize, but he said he wouldn't accept it. I then tried to tell him I was trying to apologize and he should listen. He said to me, "You do what you want to do, and that's fine." He then comes over, kisses me and says he is going upstairs to our bedroom.
Earlier, when we were watching the game, he was nodding off on the couch. I was trying to keep him away by rubbing his back and massaging his head. After awhile, I gave up and was doing something on my cell phone. That's when he perks up and leans on my side to get my attention. The thing is, if I sat with him not doing anything but watching tv, he would be fine. If I was looking at a magazine, a newspaper, a book or my phone, he immediately wants my attention. I then asked hubby if it's because I wasn't paying enough attention to him. He said it had something to do with it.
The thing is, with my hubby, there is usually some other underlying thing that is bugging him. He will come home and I will not know anything about what is bugging him. He will get ornery, and I will ask him what is bothering him, and he says nothing is bothering him. Later, he will get upset about some stupid thing, slam something around in the kitchen and startle me.
I have noticed that more of our arguments happen on a Sunday, when he has been out most of the day at the sports bar with his buddies, drinking beer on an empty stomach. He will come home hungry so I usually make dinner early around 4 pm. He then sits on the couch and after dinner, still sits there, not helping with the cleanup, and nods off. I know it's the mixture of the beer and dinner. If he comes home in a bad mood (on several occasions in the past), it has nothing to do with me. He gets short with me about something, I have no idea why. I then try to ask him what is bothering him, since I know it isn't me. I have told him before not to lay his bad mood on me like that and to talk to me.
Why are most men so uncommuncative? Does it demasulate them? My hubby is so stubborn and it's not easy to talk to him about certain things. I have tried to get him to go to the doctor and the dentist because it has been a long time. His teeth really need a cleaning! If I say anything, he gets defensive or quiet. He then says yeah, and then that is the end of it.
So I fell damned if do, and damned if I don't. When we argue, and he is in the wrong, he will try to turn the argument around and make me the bad guy, saying I did something else. When the argument gets heated, he tells me he doesn't want me to speak. He gets to argue all he wants but I can't? He never argues fair. But when is an argument ever fair? He just has a problem accepting when he is wrong. I apologized. He shouls be a bigger person and accept my apoligy and not make it a big frickin deal.
He wants attention, and I do give that to him, so don't go thinking I am an ice queen.