Visting his friends i hate this weekend

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2006
Visting his friends i hate this weekend
10
Thu, 01-21-2010 - 2:34pm

So... Just need moral support. Going to visit the couple that makes me cringe this weekend. My husbands best friend and his wife. So its not like i can avoid them entirely although we see them a lot less than they would like. :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2007
Thu, 01-21-2010 - 4:17pm

How are they strange? Serious question.


I doubt he would like them so much, if it was just because of long term friendship. He must have sides to himself that are in line with them.


Good distraction frees us from emotional pain, bad distraction gives you a mouth full of whizz. ~~~ Guru Tugginmypudha
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007
Thu, 01-21-2010 - 4:59pm
Ceejae, I sympathise with you. Tell me, do you HAVE to go?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 01-22-2010 - 1:17am
Welcome back Ceejae2006 ~ I won't be able to get to your post for a bit yet, but I want to provide the links to your previous posts as soon as I can so that others can get a better feel for your situation and history, and as a result be better able to offer thoughts and suggestions that fit your actual situation and can be more helpful to you.

You might read through your old posts too, many find reading their old posts very helpful and enlightening; they're able to see situations more clearly than they could when they were in the middle of them and are able to see improvement , or lack of, personally and in their relationships. I hope you find it as enlightening as most do:

Lack of communication drives me crazy
Its my birthday - he better have a plan
Should I have told him about work guy?








"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"

~ Author unknown


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"Ignoring the facts
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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 01-22-2010 - 1:22am
First, congrats on your marriage, Ceejae2006 ~

I'm wondering the same things that you've already been asked, and am also wondering how you know they talked badly about you and what specifically it is that you have trouble dealing with around them.

I'll be checking back ~











"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"

~ Author unknown


Photobucket











"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-2009
Fri, 01-22-2010 - 10:03am

Hello Ceejae,


Why do you go if they make you cringe, after all they are your husband's friends, not yours. I would take the opportunity to spend time reading, watching movies or pampering myself at the spa ;)


Good luck if you choose to go !


iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2006
Fri, 01-22-2010 - 11:11am

Thank you. He always does things that are important to

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2007
Fri, 01-22-2010 - 11:58am

Yes, they do sound less than fun.


Atleast they are so fake, that you can be fake & it'll all work out

Good distraction frees us from emotional pain, bad distraction gives you a mouth full of whizz. ~~~ Guru Tugginmypudha
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 01-23-2010 - 4:10am
Too late now, but when the wife was telling you all the old stuff that you didn't want to know, it was your place to stop her right there and tell her you didn't want to hear it, not your husband's place to confront her later. Your relationship with her/them is your own, not your husband's, if you don't like something it's up to you to say so.

It doesn't sound so much to me like there's a problem with unspoken stuff - seems to me you all know exactly how you feel about each other whether you've said it to each other or not, you know?

I would really think your husband wouldn't enjoy a weekend with them with you along; it has to be less than relaxing and comfortable for him knowing you're uncomfortable and hating it. Is there something in your life that your husband doesn't enjoy? If so, how about agreeing that on weekends he's going to see them, you go do whatever it is that he doesn't enjoy? That's a win-win, as both of you get to do what you like and you have the added plus of spending the weekend apart, which enriches your relationship. If you or he feels you've got to accompany him sometimes, how about only accompany your husband to see them on an occasional day trip and in return, he agrees the same for whatever it is you like to do that he doesn't. If there isn't anything he doesn't like doing with you, his away trips to see these old friends would be a perfect time to schedule girlfriend weekends out of town. The added bonus (besides getting a great weekend with friends) is he has a great excuse to give his friends as to why you're not with him - you had other plans for the weekend!











"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"

~ Author unknown


Photobucket











"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2006
Tue, 01-26-2010 - 11:06am

I agree cl-2nd_life, we already do all of that. Hence why I only have to see them now on special occassions when it used to be 6 days a week... (this was the bf's birthday party). And since it was a group thing, i know

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 01-27-2010 - 1:22am
I'm glad you didn't end up going!

If a weekend with these people is the compromise, I think it's time for a new compromise. IMO, daily should have never been an option and wasn't something that needed compromise. A full weekend with them is too much too. I'd think your boyfriend would be happier agreeing to day visits only with them, he can't really have a good time with the tension, and knowing you're hating it, can he?

I think this is the perfect time to tell him it's time to rework the issue and put an end to weekend long torture for all of you. If the three of them like each other so much, let them have their time without an addition that makes no one happy. Their time together will be more relaxed and enjoyable, yours home without them will be the same, and your boyfriend will come back happier for the experience and glad to see you too!











"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"

~ Author unknown


Photobucket











"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"