Viva Las Vegas
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Viva Las Vegas
| Wed, 07-19-2006 - 2:28pm |
OK heres the deal, my boss pays for a trip to Vegas for me and my girlfriends/coworkers for Administrative Porfessionals/Secretery's day in May. I am 30 and the others are 40 & 50. We do cut loose and party the weekend away, but nothing over the top or inappropriate. We have the option to go again in October (because my boss got a good air miles deal and offered it to us. I don't feel this should be a big deal, butmy husband is very needy and possesive. I have given him no reason to act like this. I can't control how he feels we have been married for 12 years. I just want to ask all you reading this what your opinion is should I go. He doesn't know yet. So please help

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Welcome to the board, Frazzled2006 ~
My answer is assuming it's as black and white as you've presented it I think you already know the answer to this. Your husband is needy and possessive, in that statement you acknowledged his reactions and behavior are not appropriate. There's nothing wrong with you going to Vegas or anywhere else without him. You should go on your weekend and he should go to a therapist to deal with his possessiveness and neediness. Are there other factors involved that you haven't mentioned?
~ cl-2nd_life"Experience is what you get
when you don't get what you want."
~ Author unknown
"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
Your right, it's easy to see where his insecurity comes from, but it's his to resolve and you shouldn't be restricted because of his issues. That's enabling him and sending him the message that it's okay to put his the issues his past relationship have given him on you. It sounds like you have plenty of issues between the two of you; lack of shared responsibility, and avoidance in accepting and dealing with your issues. With the attitude of pretending previous discussions never happened, I expect few issues between you have ever actually been resolved. Not only should he seek therapy to resolve his insecurity and trust issues, it sounds like the some couples counseling would really be good for the two of you too.
I couldn't help but notice you refer to your child as "my young son", not "our young son". Unless your husband isn't the father, I'd say this is a big indicator of how you feel about the responsibility for this child.
~ cl-2nd_life"Experience is what you get
when you don't get what you want."
~ Author unknown
"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
What is with the boss "giving you" and coworkers trips to vegas. Are these other women also married and their spouses ok with this or are they single? He isn't by chance also there when you guys are is he (having an affair with one of the "girls" in the group)? That whole scenario just sounds a little strange to me as someone that works in the corporate world, travels for work, has lots of air miles, and is well aware of general office practices and admistrative assistants day.
I agree that this is his problem and not yours and ideally he will deal with his problem. That said an attitude of "too bad its your problem" may be right but may not be helpful to the relationship.
Vegas is the place with not only a reputation for wild and sometimes morally questionable behaviors but they actually advertise this regularly.....what happens here stays here, let our shopping be your excuse, high we are marcia, jan, and cindy.....please this is about as in your face as you can get trying to tell you that you don't have to play by the normal rules when you are there. Come here and cheat, everybody does and it is fun, and there is no accountability for these actions....
So from his perspective things are not great with you guys (issues seem new to him), he has some unfinished business from the past, and you are headed off to "liers and cheaters land" twice a year with your girlfiends cause you need a break from him. So how do you expect him to feel and react to this.....again we all agree you are "right" that you should be able to do these things....but you may be "right and divorced" (and maybe that is where you are headed anyways).
If your boss has such great air miles deals and is so generous why don't you consider another destination that does not actively advertise lieing and cheating as their theme. For exmaple, how about going with them to a spa or resort in Arizona. Or maybe a shopping trip to the big shopping and show/music mecca in NYC, or possibly go to the SPA in Arizona with the gf's for a couple of days and then extend it and ask him to join you for a couple of additional days (won't change your airfare) so you can have some couple time in a more relaxed atmosphere. I would suggest you could get a much needed break and he could feel better about these options, and you could even turn it to a positive if you use the "extend it" option.
Just my two cents from the man's perspective. P.
I was just about to respond to the OP when I read this first. I agree with everything you wrote and it saved me the trouble of writing it all.
To the OP - should you go? I don't know that's a decision only you can make. But I can see your DH's POV. I thought the same thing as orangecuse about the boss having an affair and using this to cover it up. Even if you don't know he's there, he may be and his "partner in crime" is sneaking away to where he is. It's easy to hide in Vegas which may be why he doesn't choose a place like Arizona. As OC44 said - "what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas" - that's their motto. When it was once a year on a special occassion, your DH may have thought "I don't like this, but I can deal with it". Now it's happening again for no reason. What would you think if he did the same thing (female boss up and gave him trips to Vegas for no reason and he admittadly "let's loose and parties the weekend away")? You would begin to question it (or so I would guess - at least I would and I don't think I'm a "clingy, controlling person").
This shouldn't be about "it's your life and you can do what you want and if your DH objects then he's controlling". It's about respect on both sides of the coin. Your DH should respect you enough to trust you, but you should also respect him enough to understand his trepeditions about this entire trip and maybe take a different type of trip if you need to get away for a bit. Especially givin the location that's been chosen - why not propose a different location to the boss? Tahoe? Salt Lake City? Places that are great getaways but not known/advertised for promiscuity/cheating/party towns.
Jeff
I agree with Orangecuse.
I've got to say, you guys, I'm really surprised by your responses.
"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
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