We Can't Even Agree On How To Raise A Dog!!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-27-2006
We Can't Even Agree On How To Raise A Dog!!!!
12
Thu, 03-29-2012 - 1:55am

Ok, so this is crazy but so true. My bf and I have been together almost 7 years. He has always been upset, even now that we are getting older, that I have not decided to start having kids yet. Well, I never wanted kids initially but you know how certain relationships make you change your mind, and I did...for a while. Then my bf started changing his attitude a lot about life and just started getting colder and harder, not towards me but in general. Everything frustrates him or makes him upset or annoys him. He has absolutely no patience whatsoever. All these changes made me think, "Heck no! How does he want to raise kids with an attitude like that?" I feel bad thinking it, but it is true. Kids take lots and lots and lots of patience to raise. I just can't imagine him having that plus other things that he does and the way he acts. I just do not see him being able to do it, and I would end up doing all the childrearing and work myself. NOT HAPPENING!!!!

Well, for a while now we have been wanting a dog. We had the opportunity recently and took it. I did not really want to, but I could tell he was hooked and had been after this kind of dog (GSD) for a while, so I caved. What could it hurt? What a great way to see how he would really be when it came to teaching and working together to raise an animal (I know they are not kids but still need as much attention and patience). Well, here we are day 1 and already not agreeing on how to raise it!!!

I believe in order for a dog to be a guard dog they need obedience and to know who the boss is, but I also believe in being able to play and be active with a dog and take them for walks (especially big dogs). He on the other hand wants the dog outside but never out of the yard, not even for walks. He does not want it interacting with anyone but us and no other dogs. He wants it to guard and protect only and does not want to play with it. Basically, he wants to be a hard a$$ with it (no hitting or spankin though). Well, the pup has pretty much bonded with me, which made my bf upset of course. So now I feel like I have to totally back off and let him do all the training and such as I know if I interfere he will be mad and it will be my fault if the dog doesn't do what he wants.

He even said if it does not look like he wants it to by a certain time he will just sell it off, so no point in me getting close to it I guess. Then, it freaks me out, because I do not want to just not bond with the dog and then have it attack me later or someone else (even though that is the point if it needs to) because it does not know me or has been trained to attack, so I am kind of stuck here.

I know this sounds a bit funny we cannot even decide on this, but it means more to me. If we cannot agree on how to raise a dog, what about a kid???? Not only that, it shows how cold he is becoming more and more. I find it all so frustrating. What do you all think?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2004

Wow, I would take the dog and get the heck out of there!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2004

Elle_elle, I thought I recognized your name--welcome back!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2008

Hi Elle,

In your past posts, you've talked about compromise but, to be honest, it sounds like you're the only one doing any of the compromising.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Thu, 03-29-2012 - 11:46am

I'm no dog expert but that seems like a very cruel thing to do to a dog--and why do you need an attack dog anyway?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2006

I see two problems here. First, did either of you research training techniques to see what actually maximizes a dog for protection purposes? According to my research and experience, bonding with the dog makes you part of the 'pack' which dogs naturally strive to protect.

Next, and this one is always present in conflict... fear. You are both afraid, him of something which he believes the dog will protect him from and you of having to suffer from a broken bond once formed but severed by your bf.

Now, the fear could theoretically be eliminated by gaining knowledge and wisdom about how to train a dog but fearfulness is a character trait that, unaddressed, will

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2003

Dear Elle,

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-27-2006

Hi Geoteo,

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2010
"Well, long story short, I can't bring myself to do it."

"I told him basically if we are not going to give this dog what it needs we need to find someone that will. I will not do that to a dog. It deserves guidance and love and attention and socialization."

I just wanted to tell you that while I applaud your willingness to protect the dog from being mistreated, I am truly sad and disheartened that you don't dig deep and find that same strength to protect your own well being. I hope one day you do break free of him. Because honestly, your relationship sounds miserable. And you deserve better.
Avatar for ukgirl82
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-17-2005
So he's wants a guard dog and you want a pet. You never should have gotten a dog together if you wanted it for completely different purposes.

Even so, I would not get rid of the dog. Your boyfriend sounds like a jerk - I would take the dog and leave the boyfriend.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007

My friend has a guard dog to protect her from her crazy

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