We fight, I drink

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-20-2011
We fight, I drink
Sat, 11-12-2011 - 1:03am

We "don-t drink" together since he hates the idea. Which is fine. But when we fight, I find I drink to stop feeling so much pain. He has no idea. I drink alone. I mean, technically, it's definitely not a drinking problem because I can easily go days, weeks, or even months with NO drinks when we're fine. I dont drink every time we fight but when it's bad and drawn out, and I have to go to bed alone and sad, yeah, I drink. It makes me fall asleep and feel less pain. I know, we shouldn't use alcohol to dull pain but...it works? We do fight too much but what can I do about that...nothing actually. I love him, I want to be with him, I put up with crap and I guess he does too. I just hate this tendency I have. Is it dangerous?

Community Leader
Registered: 05-14-2001
Sat, 11-12-2011 - 3:14am

A drinking problem isn't defined by how often you drink. It's defined by your abiilty to stop drinking once you've started.

~ cl-2nd_life

Avatar for ukgirl82
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-17-2005
Sat, 11-12-2011 - 5:51am
A drinking problem is often misunderstood as a daily dependency on alcohol but that is not necessarily the case. Dependency can manifest in many different ways - if you need alcohol to cope with your problems, if you need alcohol to have fun or relax, those are all dependencies on alcohol. Just because you don't necessarily drink everyday doesn't mean you don't depend on it. In your case, you're depending on it when you have a bad fight with your boyfriend. You hate it because you know it's unhealthy. It's developed from the mistaken belief that you can't do anything about your problems with your boyfriend but come on, you must know that's not true. Even if you believe there is no way to remain in the relationship and stop fighting (which is not necessarily true), you know that ultimately, you can always end the relationship. Surely, if a relationship driving you to drink, it's probably time to end it?
Community Leader
Registered: 01-03-2004
Sat, 11-12-2011 - 3:48pm

There is such a thing as a "functional alcoholic." This is a person who can drink til drunk and still function: hold down a job, take care of their kids, make dinner, show up for things on time, etc. They just drink on a schedule and still function.

I'd encourage you to contact Alcoholics Anonymous. You'll find great support, compassion, and hard-earned experienced people who know what its like to be in your shoes and how to live without alcohol as a tranquilizer.

I'd also encourage the two of you to get into couples counseling. You obviously push each other's buttons. Why? And why do you keep doing it? There's a reason. Find out. Make your lives more peaceful.

Good luck.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007
Sat, 11-12-2011 - 4:10pm

Lili, if I were you, I wouldn't be

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009
Mon, 11-14-2011 - 9:26am

I think you should consider the possibility that you are taking the "drinking problem" definition by the book as a means of justifying your denial. You have a problem with drinking. You're using it to dull the pain... That is alcohol abuse. Most alcoholics can go weeks or months without a drink (and often they do in order to prove a point). You have two problems: One, you're in a relationship that doesn't have enough happiness or harmony. Two, you're finding yourself turning to alcohol for comfort.