We had another fight

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-22-2006
We had another fight
11
Mon, 08-14-2006 - 4:36pm

My hubby and I were doing good for the last several weeks. Eventhough he doesn't kiss me before he goes to work, or call to check in daily or even call on his way home, we were doing good. Like I mentioned in my last thread "Would this help", he even pulled me close to him and he gave me a hug and kiss as we were golfing. But then today when I called to check in our conversation went like this:

Me: Hi, just wanted to check in and say Hi
Hubby: Hi. Its been kind of hectic.
Me: Ok, let me call you back later
Hubby: No, its ok. What's up?
Me: Just wanted to say hi and see how your day is going?
Hubby: Hectic. Hey, can you do me a favor. Its my turn to buy coffee, can you go to the store and get some?
Me: Sure
Hubby: By the way, my friend called and asked if I could go golfing and play 9 holes. Would that be ok?
Me: Yea, I guess (disappointed tone)
Hubby: Well, he needs someone to go golfing with him just in case his back starts to give out (his friend had back surgery to relieve a disc problem)
Me: Well, I guess I was hoping we could go golfing because we are doing good these last few weeks.
Hubby: You can go with us?
Me: No, its alright you go (thinking my hubby just felt obligated to ask me to go golfing)
Hubby: Well, that doesn't sound very convincing
Me: I don't know how you want me to sound convincing. I said its alright. Just go
Hubby: Ok
Me: Now, you don't sound very convincing
Hubby: No, I don't
Me: Why?
Hubby: Something is just bothering me
Me: What?
Hubby: Just something
Me: Well, that's unfair. You tell me something is bothering you but you won't tell me. Then you shouldn't tell me something is bothering you. That's like telling a kid to go to the candy store but the kid can't buy any candy.
Hubby: I just don't want to get into a fight.
Me: Well, telling me somthing is bothering you doesn't help either
Hubby: If I tell you, then you are going to be in denial, then I'm going to be in denial and then we will end up in a fight.
Me: What is it
Hubby: Now I'm going to feel like I have to pick between spending time with my friends or you.
Me: I was not trying to make you feel you have to choose. I would never do that
Hubby: But its done. Now, I feel like I have to
Me: So you mean in the future if you want to spend time with the guys playing poker, you will have to think twice?
Hubby: Yes. Because I feel now I have to think twice

***By this time we both are getting angry and upset. Me getting upset because I didn't want to have him be put in this position. And him getting upset because he probably feels now he has to think twice in spending time with friends.

Hubby: Hang on for a sec. (he's talking with one of his employee). Sorry about that.
Me: Not trying to change the subject. ***This is where I talk about calling his parents about taking care of their dog.
Hubby: Ok, let me call them and see if one of us should take care of their dog.
Me: Sorry, I had to change the subject. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have been selfish and now putting you in a spot to where you will have to think twice when you want to spend time with your friends. I was being selfish and I should have made you feel this way. I'm sorry
Hubby: Its alright
Me: No, its not alright. I'm sorry, I shouldn't be that way. I shouldn't be selfish.
Hubby: Its alright. I have to go because its getting really busy (one of his employee is trying to talk to my hubby)
Me: Ok. Bye
Hubby: Bye

Now, I realized I was being selfish and I told him I was. But he's probably still upset and I am too. I just don't know what to do and we were doing so good. I "tried" correcting this problem but it was already too late. During our conversation I told him I'm trying to correct the problem, but he said "Well, now that I made you feel like crap, I'm going to correct it"? He said its too late because he already feels like crap.

How can I make it better. I'm thinking about not being home when he gets home because I don't know how to deal with it since it was really my selfishness that put him in this position. I tried apologizing and I even told him that it was me that made him feel this way, but now it ended up with us having another fight and we were both starting to come around being nice to one another. Now I feel like the whole "stupid" process has to start all over again.

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2004
Wed, 08-16-2006 - 9:32pm

>>I never would have thought that because my husband assumed that one night I didn't want to go for a walk that he thought I couldn't make a decision. All I thought was that he thought I was too tired. Big deal. In the big picture of life it really wasn't worth getting huffy over<<

Totally agree. It's like when I was tired all the time and DH assumed that I would be too tired for sex. Even though it was an incorrect assumption and we went a long time with minimal sex, it certainly wasn't worth me getting my knickers tied in knots over.

It wasn't rejection on his part and he wasn't thinking I couldn't make my own decisions. It was quite simply a logical conclusion he made given the indications at the time. Just a misunderstanding.

And once we figured out where we went wrong, we discussed it and have a clearer understanding of how the other feels. I know that if I want sex, I shouldn't complain of being tired and he knows that if he wants sex, it's worth giving it a try.

Dress Up Games, Doll Makers and Cartoon Dolls @ The Doll Palace

Pages