Weekend Report
Find a Conversation
| Mon, 02-20-2006 - 11:45pm |
There needs to be a "thumbs in the middle" icon (rather than thumbs up or thumbs down). DH and I had a good weekend in Disneyland for the most part. But let me back track.
Friday I told him I needed to talk to him and he was very open minded as I bared my soul and told him about the tall tale, why I told it, and my apology. He accepted my apology and couldn't believe I was beating myself up over something so minor. He still sees me the same way, etc etc... So that was all good. That night, he also said, was Maria's Birthday and she'd asked US (he made a point of saying "us") to hang out. Well, I know how much it sucks to have people blow you off on your birthday, so I said, "if it's US, alright" and I hauled my sorry butt up and went. It started out a little rocky and to be honest, though I tried to get to know her, we just don't have a lot in common to talk about. If I were to have met her at my job, I wouldn't hang out w/ her outside of work. But do I think she was activly after DH? No... I just think she honestly has no clue in some things, but in others I do believe she likes the attention she's getting from him. For example, we went to go play billards. I picked out my cue and returned to the table. DH was racking the balls. Knowing DH was big into his pool playing I figured I'd let him choose his own cue. I distinctly didn't bring over a cue for him so that he could pick his out. Maria brought one over for him when she picked out hers.... alright... so far I feel like an unattentive spouse. They both listen to a different kind of music I didn't even know DH liked. So they took turns picking stuff out of the juke box during the evening. When I asked what was on it, they said "a bunch of old crap" and then named off a few albums I'm fond of, so I opted not to pick out music (since I figured they wouldn't like it). DH acted like a gentlemen and the only beef I had through the night were little things like he opened her car door, and not mine, when we got into the car the first time (she actually reminded him to open my door first...which he did for the rest of the night). He was openly affectionate w/ me in front of her (especially when I pointed out to him that we didn't have to wait until she walked away to sneak a hug or a kiss). So he was receptive.... At the end of the night, we drove Maria home. Dh got out of the car, and opened her door, and left me inside the car, to hug her and say goodbye. ... not too thrilled about that one... Anyway.... We move on to the weekend.
Saturday we spent in Disneyland w/ our mutual friends for a birthday party. It was fun, but DH complained of being tired most of the time (well, we had been out since midnight the night before, so it's understandable. I was tired too). He did have fun though.
Sunday we spent w/ his co-workers. Namely 2 - Nicole and Maria again. I had asked DH to play w/ me as much as with his other friends, so that I didn't feel so left out. He agreed. Within the first 3 hours, Maria had received a hello hug (which I am somewhat okay w/ as we often hug our friends in greeting, and Nicole received the same treatment), a flick of DH's pass on her, and a tug of her pig tail (since she'd chosen to wear pigtail braids that day). I pulled him aside at a discreet moment at that point and asked him to cut out the pokey-tickely-custie play stuff. It worked, but he seemed to brood about it.
We have a long way to go.
- Jay

I agree with your husband that your "sin" was no big deal and not worth stressing over.
From what I've read on your situation it doesn't sound like anything's changed. Your husband continues to be selfish, doing what he wants, ignoring you and being uncaring and disrespectful in the process, along with being a whiny complainer to boot.
I haven't seen any indication that your husband really wants anything to change, certainly not enough to actually take any action that would promote change. He wants, wants, wants (me, me, me) while you give, give, give and accept, accept, accept.
How long has your marriage been like this, years, right? If so, this is the way it is, not a glitch that's come up needing to be resolved. This defines your marriage.
Best of luck in finding your own happiness.
Based on what you described, don't you fool yourself into believing that this woman is innocently friends with your H.
Peace,
Di
***If you cannot define yourself, your circumstances will.***
Thanks!
We talked last night and I asked why he was brooding. He said that the truth was he was ashamed of himself and actually didn't understand why he was doing what he was doing. He agrees it's inappropriate and that it will stop.
I told him that if he can't change this behavior, he needs to tell me because I deserve better than this. He needs to get help for whatever he's thinking.
As for my place and setting my boundaries, I'm very glad I got the chance to go and specifically say "no, this isn't okay" because now he can't say I don't have an educated opinion. He admitted to starting the touchy feely stuff to begin w/ w/ Maria. So he's going to talk to her today and put a stop to it.Which is a good pro-active step. But I did, in not uncertain terms, make it clear that I will not go through this again. That if he can't stop this behavior, let me know because I can't do this.
We're also noting that w/ our finances, we will need to take on second jobs for a while. For the moment though, I'm letting that take a back seat in order to get our reletionship more stable. We don't have any bills that will take away our home or anything important like that, so we'll just keeping making the mins. for now.
Will keep ya'll posted.
- Jay
- J. Darling
Singehttp://img.photobucket.com/albums/v244/JDarling/Headshots/Picture001.jpgr, Songwriter, Author for Celebr
For those who aren't familiar with Teyar's situation,
"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
Teyar, I agree with the responses you've received so far.
I'm glad to hear that he agrees his behavior needs to stop and talking to her about putting a stop to it is a good beginning. What comes after that is harder -- actually stopping it. There are also many, many other serious problems and issues with him and your marriage that haven't been touched. I know you said he needs to tell you if he can't change these things (not sure if you were just talking about the inappropriate behavior with women or his all around selfishness too), but I hope you've truly drawn a line in the sand and are ready to back up your warning with action if he fails to do his part. Otherwise, you'll have only taught him that he can do whatever he wants despite what you say. You need some change, you need to matter, and honestly, I'm not sure he can make the kind of changes necessary to make this remotely fair or remotely a partnership.
Best of luck!
~ cl-2nd_life"You can't control the length of your life,
but you can control the width and depth."
~ Author unknown
"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"