What do you all think of this??

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-24-2006
What do you all think of this??
21
Thu, 05-04-2006 - 10:48am

Hey all-
I have a situation that I guess I just need to vent about. I'm upset with my BF because he has made plans to go on a road trip accross country with some girl he used to know in college who lives on the other side of the country. He never considered my feelings on the situation and when he brought it up casually and I got upset he in return became upset with me for over reacting. The thing is we have been having problems and assessed our needs with each other the night before. We discussed him wanting to go on camping trips and what not this summer. I told him as long as he didn't go away with one single girl (if I could not go) then I would be okay with it. He said he understands that I would be uncomfortable with that and would not do it. I had asked at the same time if he had any specific plans during our talk and he never mentioned this trip until yesturday. It upset me that he didn't bring it up when I asked him about any plans and that he told me he understood I would be unconfortable and then when he tells me of driving cross country for TWO weeks with this girl, he suddenly doesn't understand why I would be upset. Even when I referrenced our previous conversation he seems to have amnesia. He said he has no feelings for her they are just friends, but from like 5 years ago!! Shes moving to this part of the country for law school and he sees it as doing her a favor. She will be going to some of his relatives house that I have never met with him in mid-america and they will be stopping at her families houses as well for visits...doesn' that seem a little intimate when they have only seen each other once since college and just began talking again after she found out she was moving out here??? She is not a bad person...from what I gather, but his reaction and inconsideration is very upsetting. I am almost wanting to tell him that we should stop dating if he cannot respect my feelings on this situation, especially after that conversation and us trying to better 'us'. FYI we have been dating for two years.

Thanks for all your imput and sorry this is SO long!
Take care

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 05-11-2006 - 12:09am

Amen sister, I know what you mean about the Jerry Springer episode. I've had the same kind of experience (with family, not husband). I couldn't believe what I was dealing with -- it's awful when you're ashamed to say what happened because it's soooo incredibly disgusting, dysfunctional and humiliating -- even when you didn't do it!


I'm glad you were able to get that out and take a fresh look at it. Yeah, clearly this is a big reason why you're having problems with him running off with this *friend* and clearly, you have every reason to have issues with it. But, that's a moot point at this stage of the game, you're seeing him for what he is and you're seeing that you're worth more than this kind of crap.


Quite frankly, you owe him nothing, though he'll see it different (after all, nothing's been his fault and he'll continue to downplay/argue your reasons). He's put you through more @#$# than you should have put up with for a second, you don't owe him a face-to-face, a detailed explanation or anything. I think breaking up by email is absolutely acceptable in this situation (I vote email over phone, he doesn't get to argue when you email). Just tell him you've decided this just isn't what you want and you don't want to hear from him again, period. Block his email address, and his number from your land line phone. Change your cell number and move on with your life. Don't give him the courtesy of arguing/explaining/rebutting your break up, he doesn't deserve it for one, and beyond that there's nothing to argue, explain or rebut -- you've decided this isn't what you want, nothing else comes into play or matters.


This guy has been bad news for you and has brought up a ton of your anxieties and issues, I'm sure. He's bad news, not just for you but for anyone who wants anything but a fling. Let us know how you're doing, though I know you're going to be just fine.







~ cl-2nd_life

"Experience is what you get
when you don't get what you want."

~ Author unknown








"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"

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