what the eff?
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what the eff?
| Fri, 02-24-2006 - 12:26am |
So my husband's ex-girlfriend just moved back from wherever the heck she was, and she is pissing me off. For his b-day a few weeks ago she gave him a bunch of pictures, in a frame mind you, of when they were together. LIke we'll display them proudly in our home. She's also started playing in his poker tournament, and on Sat when we were at the bar he ditched me to go play pool with her and her fat friend. And I wasn't even invited. Tonight he is over at her "shop" drinking champagne. What the eff?? The thing is, I've talked to him about it, and he knows how I feel, so what in the hell is going on? Am I being ridiculously territorial or is it time to kick some ass? It should be noted that I am normally unthreatened by his exes, and am even friends with some of them, so this jealous rage thing is a new concept for me...am I nuts?

Yep. It's time to kick butt!
I'm like you, I have no problem with ex's, but I do expect to be included.
However, while I can certainly understand your annoyance with his ex, make sure that you direct your butt kicking where it belongs: your husband's butt.
He's the one who's allowing this circumstance to happen. No matter how wily an ex is, a good husband would not allow this type of situation to continue. He should be putting her in her place very quickly. He should even take the initiative to change his numbers and email if she wants to continue in this manner.
Email? Phone numbers? I get the feeling there's more to this than has been posted here....?
~ cl-2nd_life"Experience is what you get
when you don't get what you want."
~ Author unknown
"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
Welcome to the board, Ecirtaprehtaeh ~
No, you're not nuts, and yes, you have every reason to be incensed. But, before I can go any further, I'm hoping for a little more information so I can see this more clearly. Aisha's response indicates you may have posted more information about this somewhere else, which is fine, but if it would be very helpful to have as much information as possible; without it, it's pretty difficult to give you the kind of responses and suggestions that can be helpful to your actual situation. I also have a few specific questions I'd like answers to, they will help me know how I think this should be approached:
This one is more curiosity than anything, but what was she to him, his last girlfriend before you, his deepest relationship before you, no more meaningful than any of the others or what?
Thanks in advance for your answers ~
~ cl-2nd_life"Experience is what you get
when you don't get what you want."
~ Author unknown
"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
Hmmmm, I just re-read my message and I can see why you're confused. I was working on the assumption that she'd be asking him out by using phone and/or email.
Basically, I was trying to suggest that a good man would do what he could to hold back a scheming ex.
Edited 2/24/2006 4:51 am ET by iv_aisha2004
Male response and male opinion.....
Husband is being typical young male and not thinking through what his actions are doing to his marriage and making an unspoken presumption of "no big deal".
Unless, the two of you are at odds over some other stuff besides the ex GF. Then he could be subconsciously "getting back" at you by flirting with the ex.
Those pictures in frames .... women use subtle things like these to let men know they're still thinking about them. In this case she's not acknowledging his marital status. Or else perhaps just being a friend and sharing a nice pic. Why don't you ask her?
As for hubby, tell him what you're feeling. Ask to be included in conversations. If he's really keeping everything above board, he won't hem or haw about including you. Unless he thinks the two of you may trade secrets or compare notes......
Stress to hubby that you'd appreciate him recognizing that you're feeling a bit uneasy about the whole scenario and that you will appreciate his support in helping you work through this, the same as you'd help him if one of your ex-boyfriends suddenly turned up and started paying as much attention to you as his ex is. Surely, hubby, you'd understand if I responded in a friendly way to an ex BF, wouldn't you? LOL I sometimes think the best way to approach something like this is to ask what the response would be if the table was turned....
Bottom line, you're uncomfortable and not in the loop. Hubby needs to include you in the loop, and keep you comfortable. You're the main squeeze and there's no room in his arms for anyone else to wiggle herself into......
NRE