What should I do?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2010
What should I do?
50
Fri, 10-29-2010 - 3:50pm

Hey ladies (and gentlemen who may be reading)!

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Community Leader
Registered: 05-14-2001
Fri, 10-29-2010 - 4:48pm

Welcome to the board, Majorleaguebaseball ~

I have some questions that will help

I wonder what's changed vs. what's more obvious now that you're long distance:

* In sending cookies (or not!) when you lived near each other did he bring things over for you that he'd made?


~ cl-2nd_life

cl-2nd_
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2010
Fri, 10-29-2010 - 5:52pm
Thank you for your answers. They were really helpful. They aren't huge changes from when we were together. He has never been the one to do little small things, so I guess it was probably a little unnecessary for me to expect that to change once we became LD. But the activities bit has. When we lived close, I would normally ask him what he was doing and he would invite me to join him. He always had plans, mostly to hang out with the people he lives with now. So when I go visit, the plans he used to make are kind of automatically made. It just bothered me that I asked him to make plans and he never did. I like spending time with him around the apartment but I also like to get out and do things.

It's not exactly that I expect him to reciprocate the exact actions I do for him. You're right, I do what I do because I love him and I know he likes it. It's just like I don't feel like he loves me and enjoys being around me because he doesn't show it very often or very convincingly. Since we've been LD I haven't heard him say "I love you" and felt like he actually meant it. I understand that he does, but I get insecure when I can tell that he is just saying that he loves me out of custom.

The breakdowns were mostly related to schoolwork. I had a tough time this semester deciding on a topic for my thesis, and I started feeling a lot of pressure from my professor to have a lot done on my own when I really didn't know what I was doing. I was confused and wasn't sure where to turn for help. I ended up going to my professor and he was incredibly helpful. I have had problems with stress management related to school in the past so that is really nothing new.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2008
Fri, 10-29-2010 - 10:39pm

I think it's good to talk to him, let him know how you are feeling.

"The key to good decision making is not knowledge. It is understanding."
Malcolm Gladwell Blink

Community Leader
Registered: 05-14-2001
Sat, 10-30-2010 - 12:54am

I'm glad the thoughts I gave you were helpful.

Since you recognize that this is how he's always been, I think it would be wise to put some thought into whether his behavior is a problem for you or if it's a problem only because you're long distance.


~ cl-2nd_life

cl-2nd_
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-10-2010
Sat, 10-30-2010 - 3:31am

I'm wondering who moved away, why, how often you see each other, and if there's anything planned for you two living near or with each other again. How long have you been together? I can't tell from

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2010
Sat, 10-30-2010 - 11:09am
I feel like it's only a problem because we are long distance. I tried discussing it last night with him and it honestly went nowhere. I did not get a single response. Even now, I texted him "good morning" to feel him out to see if I should bring it up again. 2 hours later he gave me one response and is now MIA. Frankly I'm annoyed. I understand that he has a life of his own but by not responding to me it seems like he isn't making time for me in it.

I haven't asked him. He honestly hasn't really been talking to me lately so I am feeling a little hesitant to ask him about something that happened a few weeks ago. I should have brought it up soon after the issue. I think a lot of the reason was that people were visiting that weekend and he didn't want to miss spending time with them.
It's sort of like that. Our hometowns are about 20 minutes apart. He goes to school 3 hours from there, I go to school 7 hours from there. When we are at school we're 6 hours apart.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2010
Sat, 10-30-2010 - 11:16am
Thank you. I am definitely trying to figure out his behavior patterns, and really for the most part they've been positive. He is generally attentive when I need him to be. I just don't know what's going on right now

I did try to talk to him last night and let him know how I was feeling about the whole situation. I told him I was feeling really disconnected from him lately for some reason and I wanted to talk to him about it. He never responded to anything I said. So I'm not sure whether I should bring that up and that I was hurt because of his behavior, or deal with this issue first.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2010
Sat, 10-30-2010 - 11:25am
We moved away for school. We're 6 hours apart right now. He lives in an apartment 3 hours from our hometowns, so I won't get to see him unless both of us are at home. We moved away at different times before school. We have seen each other 3 times in the past 3 months. There isn't anything planned for us to live together or near one another in the future (other than when he happens to be home on Christmas break). He does not want to broach the subject with a 10-foot pole, and he has told me so. We've been together a little over 4 months now.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-10-2010
Sat, 10-30-2010 - 2:26pm

Major League, I'm going to just tell you how I see it here. Two months together and two months apart

Community Leader
Registered: 05-14-2001
Sat, 10-30-2010 - 2:27pm

Four months is pretty early into a relationship and long distance is a lot for a four-month old relationship to survive.


~ cl-2nd_life

cl-2nd_

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