What should I do? I don't want it to seem like he's hanging out with me because I want to...

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2011
What should I do? I don't want it to seem like he's hanging out with me because I want to...
8
Sun, 10-09-2011 - 1:58pm

Sorry if this seems long, but if you enjoy longer reads, advice would be appreciated! Thanks.


So we started like any relationship, we were completely head over heels, we'd kiss each other so often, stay up hours and hours into the night just talking, etc. Around six months later, now that school has started again, he's become more busy. He also has a job. I've already graduated and have one job. Needless to say, I've got a lot more time on my hands. And I think it's gotten to the point where I'm depending on him for happiness, especially since I don't have many friends in the area. But I am aware of this, and trying my best to occupy myself, although it can be hard sometimes. I do understand how this can put a burden on our relationship, and I am trying my best to ease it by constantly reminding myself that I must not get upset over this- life has just gotten in the way for a little bit, and school and work should be at the top of priorities, and I know, understand, and respect that.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999

First of all, I think it's an illusion that 2 people should just automatically want to do the same thing all the time and you shouldn't have to ask for what you want.

Community Leader
Registered: 05-14-2001

Welcome to the board, Ciciscad ~

No worries about the length of your post.


~ cl-2nd_life

cl-2nd_
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2011

I guess my definition of being complacent would be no longer longing for or wanting someone, but just knowing they're there- almost just content with the idea of having a girlfriend, not overjoyed with thought of having

Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003

Insofar as wanting to be alone, this is a characteristic of introverts.

Community Leader
Registered: 05-14-2001

Thanks for your answers.


~ cl-2nd_life

cl-2nd_
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2011

Thank for the advice, everyone!

Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003

I am curious what are you going to do/say now?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2011
Well I was thinking about what everyone said, and I feel the major problem stems from me. I tried thinking/taking it from his perspective. There are times, like today actually, when I feel drained and just want to hang around at home. So I can understand wanting to be alone sometimes, especially if you have a busy schedule. I think when most of my social interaction involves him, I put too much pressure into his availability. So I need to create more outlets for me.

Actually, I was thinking of how it was at the very beginning of the relationship. We were both at school and had jobs. I was in my last semester so things were super busy too. My job also had crazy early hours sometimes that I'd have to stay in several nights of the week and even weekend. That was when we, and especially I, were most happiest.

Found out today that I got another job. It's small and part-time, but it'll definitely give me something to do!