what would you say to him?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-10-2012
what would you say to him?
1
Sun, 06-10-2012 - 1:22pm
My hubby and I have been married for 4 years and together for 6. We have a son that will be 5 in 2 weeks. We got pregnant not even 2 months of being together.

Let me tell you about myself.. before I get to the issue.

I am 25 years old and I deal with anxiety all the time. I do not medicate. I hate pills and only take them if I am really really sick. I have a couple of health problems that I think contribute to the anxiety. Also, last May, one of my older sisters passed away unexpectedly and I have been dealing with trying to cope with her death, which I still haven't. I am the type of person to avoid the problem and ignore it, hoping that it goes away, because I don't want to be hurt.

Anyways, the issue.. this is more like a rant and advice.. I don't have people to talk to, so this is my way to get what I am feeling out. And I don't need immature replies back.

I don't feel like I am being treated right. I feel like I am not appreciated and I can't do anything right. I get talk to like I am a child and the only reason why I am here is to take care of him and my son.

For example, earlier, I was talking about how I accidently threw away 2 games (to his leappad) of our sons and I didn't realize it until today. They were in a backpack that I kept his tab thing in and I recently went on cleaning spree to clean our apartment. He told me that I don't need to waste his money and I need to stop doing that, which led him to tell me that I control his money and I don't do anything around here. But thing is.. I am stay at home mom (I have worked for a couple of years since our son has been born). While I am a stay at home mom, I am constantly doing something. Our son has speech and developmental problems and it has been me for the last 2 and half years taking him to therapies and doctors appt, while he slept. I do the grocery shopping, pay bills, clean house, cook, do dishes, and even put gas in his truck for him. Among trying to be a daughter to my parents and a sister to my two other sisters, who one is pregnant. Also, our son is involved with sports, so it's me, who takes him to practices and games. I also go to school full time to get my medical coding and billing degree and I tutored my mother who just started college.. I never have time for myself.

I am in no way griping about what I do, but I just wish my hubby would recognize that I'm not just sitting on my butt, doing nothing. Also, I don't feel like I am being taken care of at all. I always feel like I am being put last in his book. I feel like his number one priority is himself. He's not the type of guy to go to bars without me, but there has been a couple of times where he will get off work and go somewhere with one of his buddies without telling me. He works from 2 PM until sometimes 3 AM. So I'm usually home from 7 pm to he gets off work. First off, I hate being by myself in the area that we live at night and I look forward to seeing my hubby. Second, I wish he would call me to let me know that he's not at work, so I know if need him for something important, I can call him. Anytime, I go somewhere, I tell him where I am gonna be, so he knows how long I might be gone. Am I wrong for wanting him to call me to let me know? It's not like I'm wanting him to come home. And another thing of not being taken care of is he never does anything special for me. Heck, if he offered to rub my feet or my back, I might pass out. If he does any of those things, I have to make a deal to do something for him (not sexual wise). On special holidays, such as mother's day, Valentines day, my birthday, there is no effort. The last 2 mother's days.. I got "happy mothers day".. while he bought himself a fishing pole and went fishing. The bad thing.. I get on fb and I see "friends" take pictures and talk about what their husbands/boyfriends did for them, it makes me feel I am not worth it. I am actually jealous of these women. I get upset, because I'm not special enough for my hubby to go do those things for me. Recently I got sick with bronochitis and then 2 weeks later with E Coli. I had to go the hospital twice in 2 weeks.. He literally got mad because the first time he had to sign me out (I drove myself to the hospital, because I couldn't breathe and needed a breathing treatment), so they could give me something for a migraine from the bronochitis. Then when I got E coli, my antibiotics was 20 bucks and he got mad, because I had to pay for my medicine.

Another thing.. I don't spend much money on me. I rarely ever buy things for myself, other than dr pepper, my $4 monthly prescriptions, and my shampoo/body wash. I always put Kaeden first and then steven. Every once in a while, I will go out to eat with my sister and I pay for myself. For example, my sister and I took my son to Chuck E cheese to spend the rest of the coins that had been in my car for a while. I bought a medium pizza and 3 drinks and my hubby flipped, because I let my pregnant sister share my pizza with me. He called me while we were there and gave me the third degree about spending his money.

Lastly, he gets mad over everything. I feel like I cannot do anything right in his book. I grew up as a happy person, who laughed all the time. I joke about everything. I am still that way, unless it's toward him. The other day I tried to joke with him and he got pissy. I finally told him that he needed to reach up and pulled the vagina out, because he's worse than a female on her period. When he gets mad, he talks to me like I am a child and even sometimes disrespects me in front of our son. I don't call him names or start the yelling, until I have had enough. Then I try to say things to hurt him, so he finally shut up and feel the hurt that he has caused me in the beginning. I can only take so much, before I blow up.

I know I hold a little resentment toward him for how he has treated me the last couple of years and how he treats my sisters. Side story.. Tristian, the sister that passed away. She had Lupus and her and her boyfriend got addicted to drugs. She would never do them in front of me or bring them around me. A few weeks before she passed, my youngest sister brought her over to my apartment, trying to find a place for her to stay for the night, because her and her bf had a huge fight. Instead of me offering her a place to stay, I tried to find a different place to stay, because I was so worried that hubby would get pissed off at me and I would yelled and screamed out. Now, I do a little more for my youngest sister (we are pretty much best friends), because I'm not gonna let his attitude make me choose between getting yelled out or my relationship between me and my sister.

So sorry that it's a book. What would you say to him? When he's in a good mood, he is a great person. But right now, it seems like most of the time he is in a bad mood and he is selfish. I know that if I keep going like this, then I will eventually leave him and not come back.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Sun, 06-10-2012 - 3:00pm

I think I'd wait until you finish w/ your degree and then say "goodbye."