when he doesn't tell me
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when he doesn't tell me
| Wed, 09-27-2006 - 9:27am |
hi everyone. i'm new here. I'll review yours ASAP. anyone out there have any ideas about this? my boyfriend and i have been together 4 years. we have a 2 1/2 year old and i have three teenagers (19, 17, 14) from a previous marriage. we are in love and very happy. life's ups and downs and some challenges with the kids are for the most part routine. nothing major. the problem is this......... he doesn't tell me anything about anything. from the smallest to the most important. i am always finding things out from family or friends. many times it's very embarassing. i have asked him time and againto please just include me on what's going on, but to no avail. it's sooo frustrating to me. i always listen when he talks tho, so i don't get it. it's really starting to make me feel untrusting even tho i don't have anything to suspect. it's just that he "could" be hiding anything. he tells me he forgets or "just didn't think". he IS a smart guy. and i don't consider myself stupid. any ideas out there? sure hope so. thanks.

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Would he go to couples counseling with you? I think that's the only place you're going to find any real help.
~ cl-2nd_life"Experience is what you get
when you don't get what you want."
~ Author unknown
"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
Take care all. Have a great weekend. laur
Talking to him is great, but you talking to him is not going to convince him that his way of thinking is incorrect, and you're not equipped or trained to help him work to get at the root of his issue and learn healthy ways of relating. That will take a professional - it will also take his willingness to make changes.
Have you realized too that by not being open and honest and not being agreeable to have an open honest relationship that he holds all the control? He chooses what's disclosed, what you know, how things are. Even in falsely agreeing he held control, he allowed it to happen. I'd guess your frustration is about more than simply being in the dark, it's that helpless, frustrated feeling that comes from having no control in a situation.
If I were having that talk this weekend, the talk would have to be about counseling, nothing short of that is going to help, IMO.
~ cl-2nd_life"Experience is what you get
when you don't get what you want."
~ Author unknown
"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
........so busy yesterday with kids' appointments that I didn't even get close to the computer.
Friday's dinner and show went well. Not so great after that. Though, I did express my concerns and frustration about our lack of communication. I told him that I do indeed, feel like I stand on the perimeter of his life lately., that his avoidance and lack of involvement with me is taking it's toll. I asked him about counseling, not a great response. Appologies, of course, but not agreeable to counseling. Some of the tension that I have been feeling is less now. I told him that if he chooses not to go to counseling, I still will. Though, I think that will only drive us further apart.
Good luck ~
~ cl-2nd_life"You can't control the length of your life,
but you can control the width and depth."
~ Author unknown
"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
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