Where do I stand in this relationship?
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Where do I stand in this relationship?
| Fri, 03-02-2007 - 9:28pm |
My boyfriend and I just recently just got back together. We have been on and off for 4 years. He's 43 and I am 35. There is no doubt in my mind that he loves me and I love him. However, I do have a problem with the fact that a majority of his friends are women. It would be different if he knew these women for a few years, except he continues to meet new women and add them on his friends list. He meets up with them at pubs for drinks. Sometimes has them stop by his Condo to hang out if they call him to hang out. There is this one particular female that he started hanging out with right before we broke up before, after he became closer friends with her now he considers her a sister and tells her all our business in our relationship. He also asks for her opinion on general stuff such as( furniture to pick out for his condo) which really pists me off! Tonight we had a fight because I told him I had it with his Harem of Girl-Friends, especially with that one female. He told me that he doesn't understand why I am so hung up on her. She has nothing against me. I told him that is not the point. I don't like the fact that he needs these women in his life. I told him to stop seeing the one particular female. He said he wouldn't. I told him I didn't like the fact that she goes and hangs out at this place and they hang-out. He says he is going to continue and that I should trust him they are just friends. He says that I am the one with the problem and if he were to get rid of her as a friend, I would find another one of his female friends to pick on and get rid of. I am not sure if it is me being paranoid or if it is him being immature and acting like a high-school kid?

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Your boyfriend says you're the one with the problem, and he's pretty much right, although I don't know that it's as much a problem as it may be a difference in belief. He chooses to be around women, you don't feel it's appropriate, aren't comfortable with it and don't like it. Relationships are right when the compatibility is there and on this very important issue, you are not at all compatible. Since this is how it's going to be, I think it's time to move on to someone who's feelings on opposite sex friendships matches your own.
~ cl-2nd_life
"Experience is what you get
When you don't get what you want"
~ Author unknown
"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
>>>I am not sure if it is me being paranoid or if it is him being immature and acting like a high-school kid? <<<
Neither.
It's hard to let go of someone I am in-love with and love so much. He tells me he loves me and cares about me. He tells me that all these women that he hangs out with are just friends. That one particular women Amy is like a sister to him. However, he just wants to be friends with me now because we keep hurting each other. He says he is not ready yet to get back into a relationship with me just yet. I told him I can't wait around for him when he's ready and he tells me that he doesn't want me to. Yet, he sends mix messages. I recently had major surgery, he was in the I.C.U. for 5 hours waiting for me to get out of recovery and the whole time I was in the hospital he came and seen me every day and was right by my side holding my hand. When I came home, he came by at night cooked dinner for me, did my laundry etc; Before that he would come by and see me spend time together and we made love. Even a month after the surgery we made love one time.. so I know there are feelings there and it breaks my heart because I love him so much. So last week he took me out for breakfast and did my laundry because of my surgery I still can't lift anything heavy. I asked him again about how he feels and reconsidering us taking it slow and getting back together. He said he just wants to be friends. I got so upset I was crying all the way home. I told him he doesn't need me as a friend, he's got enough women as friends. I told him if he doesn't love me enough to make me a part of his life then I don't want nothing to do with him because I can't go on like this anymore. I hope I did the right thing. It's been an emotional rollercoaster and I have been so depressed crying all the time and I am tired of feeling depressed and lonely wondering when he's going to come around and I don't think it's fair to me that he keeps me as a friend. I couldn't bear listening to him talk about him interested in other women if it got to that point. However, I always told him that I would never let him put me in that category: as a friend. Because he told me a while ago that all his friends ex's are still friends with one another and so my boyfriend is the same way. I told him I don't believe in that unless there were children involved and you had to be civiled for that reason. Luckily, we don't have children together because of the way he's acting. I mean he's going to be 44 years old and I am 35 that is why I am so distraught.. Sorry, for this long message. Thank you, I know I can't change him into something he is not, I was looking at him from the perspective as someone I wanted him to be in my eyes....... Christine
Please read:
Unmatched ambitionsThe Truth About the Power of Love
I also strongly suggest reading the book, "Are You the One For Me?" by Barbara DeAngelis
~ cl-2nd_life"Experience is what you get
When you don't get what you want"
~ Author unknown
Edited 3/28/2007 3:40 am ET by cl-2nd_life
"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
also, this sounds fishy to me also, seems like he's looking to hook up with these females. you didnt mention thaat he invites you over while he's spending time with this female, or invite you to go places with him and these female friends. if it were me, i wouldnt put up with this, you are setting yourself up to get hurt in the long run. i'd move on!
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