Why am I Trying to ruin a good thing?!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-27-2010
Why am I Trying to ruin a good thing?!
Fri, 04-13-2012 - 12:12am

I got out of a horrible 2 year relationship this past October. By January I had been seeing an ex from a few years ago. He's a great guy, trying to get used to being around a toddler, always tries to do whatever he can to make me happy... but for some reason something in my head is telling me this won't work. I truly care about this guy but i can't seem to shut these thoughts of failure out. As horrible as it sounds I feel like i may just be setteling... but then again i don't see that at all. I also keep feeling like I'd have to almost completly change who he is... but every man needs a little "training" right? any idea how i can feel more comforted about this so i can let myself move on?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009
Fri, 04-13-2012 - 12:58am

If you have to change everything about him, then send him on his way.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Fri, 04-13-2012 - 1:41am

If you feel you have to 'completely change who he is" then it just means you and him are not compatible. And it nevers works because you CANNOT change anyone from who they really are to who you want them to be, They will soon revert back to their true selves and begin to resent you for trying to change them. NEVER EVER WORKS and you'd be best to just move on and find a more compatible mate, And consider it a blessing that you find out now rather than after you marry him and have a couple kids and really find out how incompatible you two really are. Divorce can be a really messy thing to go thru.

Avatar for ukgirl82
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-17-2005
Fri, 04-13-2012 - 5:26am
Just because he's a great guy does not mean he's the right guy for YOU. If you feel like you have to almost completely change who he is in order to be happy with him, he is not right for you.

Please, don't buy into the idea that it's okay for a woman to manipulate a man into what she wants. Manipulation has no place in a healthy relationship. Men are not inherently stupid, they do not need "training". Imagine if a man said that about women?
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007
Fri, 04-13-2012 - 6:16pm

Alexandra, trying to change another person is an act of disrespect.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2010
Mon, 04-16-2012 - 12:45am


Hi. I see that this current guy was an ex. You had a prior relationship with him and it failed. Usually, exes are exes for good reason.