Why is she so upset with me still?
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Why is she so upset with me still?
| Wed, 07-26-2006 - 1:34pm |
I need some help on this issue please...
Saturday night my girlfriend of six months and I went to a party, and she proceeded to get a little drunk... well she accidentally knocked me into a tikki torch, and my hair caught on fire! My hair is so long, so it could have potentially been really bad, but fortunately I put it out quick enough. Here's the tricky part though..., in the 10 seconds that it happened, after I put it out, I turned and lightly slapped my girlfriend... in front of her two friends. I know this is a HUGE no-no, and if I could take it back, I would. But I wasnt thinking very rationally, and it was just my reaction to seeing my hair on fire, knowing it could have been really bad, and my girlfriend was the cause.
Well, she didnt take being slapped to well. She said he would rather be spit on then slapped, its such an insult, why was that my reaction, my hair isnt as important as my girlfriend, Samson and Dalila was actually brought up by one of her friends.... she continued to say all kinds of things about being slapped, not once apologizing for accidentally pushing me into the flames. I told her I didnt want to fight, and tried to walk away. Well, we ended up leaving, and called it a night. Yesterday we decided to talk about it, and she continued to try to make me feel really bad. In the grand scheme of things, the incident is not that big of a deal, but I think she is milking the situation because she has a temper herself, and this one time I lost my temper. I was supposed to go to her family's house yesterday for a BBQ, but we both decided it wasnt a good idea. The whole family was asking about me, and she made sure to tell me that today, again trying to make me feel bad. My question is, should I suck it up, and let her vent, or is she wrong to continue this, and just has anger issues? How I decide to handle this could make or break our relationship. I really care about her, but Im embarressed and hurt. I dont want her or her friends to think Im an a$$ with a temper, cuz thats just not true. I dont know if I can ever face them again..We broke up once already because of her temper, but things were fine until this happened.
Saturday night my girlfriend of six months and I went to a party, and she proceeded to get a little drunk... well she accidentally knocked me into a tikki torch, and my hair caught on fire! My hair is so long, so it could have potentially been really bad, but fortunately I put it out quick enough. Here's the tricky part though..., in the 10 seconds that it happened, after I put it out, I turned and lightly slapped my girlfriend... in front of her two friends. I know this is a HUGE no-no, and if I could take it back, I would. But I wasnt thinking very rationally, and it was just my reaction to seeing my hair on fire, knowing it could have been really bad, and my girlfriend was the cause.
Well, she didnt take being slapped to well. She said he would rather be spit on then slapped, its such an insult, why was that my reaction, my hair isnt as important as my girlfriend, Samson and Dalila was actually brought up by one of her friends.... she continued to say all kinds of things about being slapped, not once apologizing for accidentally pushing me into the flames. I told her I didnt want to fight, and tried to walk away. Well, we ended up leaving, and called it a night. Yesterday we decided to talk about it, and she continued to try to make me feel really bad. In the grand scheme of things, the incident is not that big of a deal, but I think she is milking the situation because she has a temper herself, and this one time I lost my temper. I was supposed to go to her family's house yesterday for a BBQ, but we both decided it wasnt a good idea. The whole family was asking about me, and she made sure to tell me that today, again trying to make me feel bad. My question is, should I suck it up, and let her vent, or is she wrong to continue this, and just has anger issues? How I decide to handle this could make or break our relationship. I really care about her, but Im embarressed and hurt. I dont want her or her friends to think Im an a$$ with a temper, cuz thats just not true. I dont know if I can ever face them again..We broke up once already because of her temper, but things were fine until this happened.

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You're kidding, right?
"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
Uhhh....you SLAPPED her.
Peace,
Di
***If you cannot define yourself, your circumstances will.***
If this is the reverse of the same situation, the woman deserved no sympathy.
"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
Peace,
Di
***If you cannot define yourself, your circumstances will.***
Well, the cat is out of the bag....
She just wasn't just afforded some sympathy, her use of violence was somewhat lightly touched on and much the focus was on how much of an A hole and manipulater he was for still being upset with her even though she had apologized to him. Also how inconsiderate he was for not apologizing to her about his accident after she struck him in the face.
They tried to say that what she did was an understandable accident as a result of a tramatic situation (the adrenaline pumping in her system), and she couldn't be expected to control her hands because she was tramatized. I can see it now, "I couldn't help hit my wife I was all worked up and my adrenaline was pumpint because XXX." Yea, that will keep you out of jail Mr.
It made me sick to my stomach to read woman posting to another woman and not pointing out exactly what the two posters that replied to me on this string wrote.
This is just so black and white to me. Probably because of my own bias....I've always been much bigger and stronger than other people. My parents tried to teach me that the use of violence is wrong. They also taught me how to defend myself.
In the course of my 'life lessons' I have been attacked by others (fortunately never in a romantic relationship). In the process of defending myself against the attack on me, I hurt my attacker really badly. I was sued by their family for the damage I caused him (and after four years of court, legal fees and depositions the problem finally went away for me - thank god for honest witnesses). I didn't mean to hurt him the way I did, but that's what happens. I didn't mean to hurt his family the way they were hurt because of what happened, but that wasn't my fault either. Same with all of the other people that got dragged into it.
In situations since then I've walked away from punches, namecalling, whatever. Violence and war should be avoided as much as possible. Ego should not be a reason either. Yet, sometimes all you can do is defend yourself with violence. This was not even close to the situation for the OP. It was her ego striking at him and punishing him for his accident.
This is black and white for me and would be (is) the same no matter whether they are both guys, both girls or even transexual.
The same way that I hurt that man and didn't mean to could have been the exact same result for her. She could have stuck a finger in his eye or a ring on the temple...whatever, you never know what damage you will do to someone's body when you strike them.
Fortunately, at least there were some others that saw the situation for what it really was.
If anyone is interested from this board, here are the links to the other discussions:
http://messageboards.ivillage.com/n/mb/message.asp?webtag=iv-rlrelationsh&msg=26277.1&ctx=0
http://messageboards.ivillage.com/n/mb/message.asp?webtag=iv-rlbreaking&msg=20635.15&ctx=0
Good one, LLED!! I see where you're going with this one!
2nd life--he's paraphrasing another post by a woman on another board to see what the reaction would be (how different the advice would be for a man compared to a woman).
I'm interested in reading the reactions to the other posters on this one.
Thanks.
But, really, tell me what you think.
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