Wife who repeats (repeats , repeats) is this nagging? How to correct?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-07-2003
Wife who repeats (repeats , repeats) is this nagging? How to correct?
27
Thu, 06-02-2011 - 8:57pm

My wife comes from an Italian family.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007

Hi Tenzo, 'nagging' is when someone repeatedly pesters you to do something.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-07-2003
I'll ask her.
I'll tell her how important it is to me and ask her to make an effort.
She will. But I think we both need some guidance.

(It can be nagging. SHe asked me to water the planets 6 times today. She thought she only did it twice. This despite I have been watering the plants every day for a month)
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007

Community Leader
Registered: 05-14-2001

Welcome to the board, Tenzo ~

(and Blue, thanks for posting the link to Tenzo's previous post)

Tenzo, I had a boyfriend like your wife once.


~ cl-2nd_life

cl-2nd_
Avatar for tobermory
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2001

I too wonder if there is actually a communications gap -- where you think you understand what she is saying, but she she thinks that you don't. Couples counseling and exercises actually help a lot with this. It would help you with listening for things she might be saying, and it might help her to feel listened to.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009

Maybe the best you can do is make sure you get alone time for yourself. It's not the ideal situation, but then again, you didn't marry the ideal person for you.

I'm not trying to be mean, it's just that you knew what you were getting into. I wonder if marriage counseling would be a good tool for you - It's not meant to change people but when communication is the problem, marriage counseling can really help two people to be more empathetic toward one another and learn to speak the other person's language.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2008

I don't know if this is right, but in reading your description of the "blue house" conversation I keep picturing someone who is repeating it for their own benefit.

"The key to good decision making is not knowledge. It is understanding."
Malcolm Gladwell Blink

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2007

I'm thinking about the blue house story - and I don't think it's because she wasn't sure that you heard her.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-07-2003

I've tried to get her to counseling, but she has this fear that they will tell me I'd be happier without her.

I try to explain; that's not what they do.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-07-2003
Someone sent me this. ( I edited out the personal stuff)

"I come from an Italian (Catholic) family and I have this same habit. I have no idea WHY I do it and it's very hard to just stop the behavior...I've been speaking that way for well over 30 years.

Thankfully my husband dated me long enough to pick up on this speech pattern. He still married me so I guess it doesn't bother him too much and he doesn't expect me to change. It's a quirk I have and he accepts it. We even joke about it a lot...he'll point out that I'm doing it and I always have a wise-ass crack to make back to him. "

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