WILL YOU MARRY ME TO DUMP ME......... are you kidding me?

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anonymous user
Registered: 12-31-1969
WILL YOU MARRY ME TO DUMP ME......... are you kidding me?
Wed, 07-25-2012 - 5:02pm

Hello...I have never written anyone for advice so I'm going give it a shot...
For 7 months I have been dating a guy I have known for a few years.
The last 3 months we have been getting closer and closer. As of June
he has hinted about us living together getting married and having
children . I have never not once brought any of this up, it has all
been him. I admit I am guarded with my heart also  he has other girls on his facebook page
asking him for money, wanting to be with him begging him to come see
him (gross) the bad part is he eats it up ... I did take a screen shot of the facebook conversation and send it to him saying" this is why im single" ...not much was said so I  just went off how he
treated me which has been awesome .. Things were progressing steady
and strong, he was always telling me how I satisfied him 100% and I
always reassured him the same .  Until the weekend after july4th he
had a three day weekend in which he worked on the 4th to have off.
I'll admit I was a little disturbed he never mentioned it, but he has
that right. Then that Friday he messaged me saying he would come over
the following day Saturday and said in a text that he was alone in bed
( um OK I don't ever question him , or what he's doing .EVER) well I
never heard from him  that following day so I went out with my cousin
and checked into a bar on facebook ( mistake ) and he did too at a bar
walking distance from where I was but he was  with his ex-girlfriend,
two friends from out of town and a girl he used to be in love with and
is one of his best friends(he told me this )  now one of  my concerns
with this is These girls do meth.( he has been sober for 1 year)  not
once did he text me to meet them. I was so shocked... I didn't bother
to text him either.. I had a nauseated feeling in my gut . So I gave
him a day or two and never got a good morning text nothing not a word
. So I sent him a concerned text saying it would have been nice if he
would have called and cancelled and yes I made a crappy comment saying
how he put his skanky dope whore's before me.(I know it was harsh but I meant it IM not playing second to trash) .  He was
nice and without me mentioning it reassured me nothing happened with
the girls . OK I believed him and everything was fine... So I
thought... Well a week ago he drove 45minutes to wait 2 hours for me to get
off work , went home with me were I proceeded to tell him I was going
back to school for nursing . We  had a lovely night then he left for
work.on Monday 1 day later he sent me a text saying "he's going go with
his gut and that I don't have the patients to be with him and I can
continue on my man hunt " so I called him. To confirm I said if 'you
want me to leave you alone I will.' he said  'no and that wasn't what
he wanted.' I wanted to believe him but any correspondence after that
all he does is start fights with me . We haven't spoke in 6 days. Im
so upset. I hope Im not pregnant since we were working on that too
sent him a message on facebook telling him how much I appreciate him
and that he was a huge factor on me going back to school. But that's
it. .whats going on .? My crazy female side says there is someone else
. My heart says he's dealing with emotions did he dump me in the text he sent when he said he was going go with his gut.
Any insight would be helpful .Thank you for you time.    Crystal

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-23-2011
Thu, 07-26-2012 - 10:43am

I definitely think he was cheating on you or his heart wasn't in it anymore.  For him not to invite you out with those girls or want to hang out with you at all during the 3 day weekend it seems you guys aren't very serious.  Also, from the posts from other girls on his fb wall I assume he's loose with "serious words" about marriage or committment etc because women don't typically leave messages like that with no provocation in moment or from the past.

Avatar for ukgirl82
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-17-2005
You two have terrible communication. When things bother you, you make snarky comments and never actually have a mature adult conversation about why it bothers you and what can be done to resolve the problem. If you think his behavior like going to bars with his exes is inappropriate - tell him you are not comfortable with it and would appreciate if he respected that and didn't do it again, at least not without inviting you along.

You seem to communicate a lot by text about important issues which of course is going to lead to confusion and misunderstandings. Texting doesn't lend itself to a serious discussion about your relationship. You need to sit down and have a REAL discussion together. I would call him (not text him) and say something like "I'm confused about what your texts meant, can't we get together to discuss it?" If he says no, ask him straight out if that means the relationship is over because you need to know for sure so you can move on.