At wit's end. Guy needs woman's advice

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2005
At wit's end. Guy needs woman's advice
21
Mon, 06-20-2005 - 4:04pm

Hello. This is something I think I would need a woman's point of view to understand.

I've been married for 17 years, and we have our host of problems along the way like most married couples do. I normally keep our problems to myself since I don't like to say negative things about my wife to others. I'm sure I have my own faults, and I am always careful that my own faults are not transferring blame to my wife. Because of this, I don't say anything to anybody. But I can't really take it anymore...

Over the years, my wife has been becoming increasingly self-centered and uncaring woman. It seems like everything is about her. She demands so much attention and is not willing to give anything back. She expects me to listen to her personal problems and conflicts going on in her life, but rarely gives me 2 seconds out of her day to sit and listen to something that bugs me without jumping to a conclusion, blurting it out, then moving on to something pertaining to her.

Never asks me about my business, how my day went, and so on. I've worked my rear off the last 6 years building a ranch for her, both financially through my business, and with my own sweat during weekends and evenings. The last 3 months I am doing something for myself and have been studying for an examination, and "farm chores" are on hold. Do I get a supportive wife? Heck no, she is getting increasingly bitter because I'm not planting her precious roses and all the other stuff she is buying and leaving it waiting for me to plant, build, cultivate, etc.

We have one son together, aged 15. We both are still fairly young for children of that age. He was gone yesterday (Father's Day) on a trip. He felt bad, but I said it would be OK. My wife spent yesterday making me feel miserable, didn't say one word about "Happy Father's Day". This is from a woman who wants to be treated like a queen on Mother's Day from husband a son alike. I don't remember a worse day in my recent history and had a heaviness that would not go away. Today I am getting the cold treatment, probably because I didn't give her enough attention yesterday (I was not in a good mood). So again, it's about her.

I've come to wit's end and don't know how much more I can take. I take vows seriously, but now am starting to think some crazy things about affairs and leaving one day and never coming back. How much can one person give without getting anything back? I have friends that pamper their wives, but they get pampered back, and I am starting to get very envious. The temptation for extramarital activities isn't about sex at all; it's about feeling appreciated.

Is this a doomsday scenario coming up? Any input would be appreciated.

P.S. Talking to my wife about this will not work. Here is another of her major faults. She cannot be wrong about anything. About once every few weeks I have to put up with "how I do this, how I don't do that, why do I do this, why don't I do that." Bring up anything wrong with her is a big mistake. At first I tried arguing with her, but that doesn't work, so I just learned to let it slide.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2005
Fri, 07-01-2005 - 10:23pm
Wow I read this and it was my parents exactly, my mom always wanted to be pampered and have everything done for her, but always complained that anything my dad did wasn't good enough. I dint' of course see that until i was older, and after really looking back and talking with my parents after they just divorced after 25 years of marrieage. I think had my dad ever reall stood up to my mom and laid it out for her, maybe it woulda been different. But at the same time all she can do now is go after his money..she even is taking out a life insurance policy on him, and they are divorced. My dad sat by for to many years not saying anything and always trying to please her, he was miserable. I'd say you really have to stand up for how you feel. I never in a million years would have supported a divorce, but after seeing the happiness that my dad has in his life, that i hadn't seen in almost 25 years of marriage, I'm glad he finally stood up. Why is it you continue to try so hard to please her..and get nothing in return? What are you really getting out of it...cause you keep doing it. You should to stand up and let her know how serious your feelings are. Its a very sticky situation, but nothing but open and honesty will wokr, especially in a marriage. and if she doesn't see it and doens't want to meet you half way, then you have a tough decision to make
Good luck!

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