Worried about our future

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-21-2011
Worried about our future
Mon, 02-21-2011 - 7:15pm

I am wondering if there is anybody out there who understands what I am going through?

I have been married for over 20 years now, kids are almost grown up. My partner is having some medical issues related to years of military service. Our marriage is less than satisfactory. At least that is what I am thinking. We had some problems before and decided to see a counselor. Things seem to get a little better. But then we started to feel as if the counselor was becoming more like a friend … sessions would be about places we visited, events we went to….no real advice anymore. I saw him alone once when he told me that in his experience most marriages that are at the same point as ours did not last. This did not help since I felt the same way. I am interested in seeing another counselor but my partner feels as if everything is just fine. He is very pre-occupied with his medical problems and does not seem to see that others also suffer. Another problem in my eyes is the fact that we have no sex life or very little of it (maybe 1x every six months or less). This is partly because of his medical problems and the fact that I find it boring and have no interest in it. It’s the same thing every time and not for lack of knowledge of the partner’s needs or wants. Sometimes I think that my partner thinks everything but your standard sex position and a little bit of sex toys is appropriate. I feel that experiencing is ok even when it is kinky sex.

Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 02-22-2011 - 1:09am

It sounds like the counselor is not doing you any good.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2001
Tue, 02-22-2011 - 1:20am

to the board, Chrtina ~

I'm sorry you're struggling.

I think there are plenty of people who do the "middle ground" thing -- that is, go through the basic motions in a relationship that no longer really is much.

~ cl-2nd_life

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2007
Tue, 02-22-2011 - 2:42am

I agree, apart from sex problem, you havent mentioned any other problem. Other problems affect sex life and vice versa.That is just the tip of the ice berg, imo.

The conusellor felt more like a friend because he did his best and from his experience he knows that people who reach this stage hardly survive any longer.