Worried and depressed about my marriage

Avatar for sarahp384
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2013
Worried and depressed about my marriage
22
Mon, 09-30-2013 - 12:05pm

Hi. I'm 29 years old and a first-time mother of an 18 month old son. I've been married to my husband for 3 years and things have mostly been wonderful -- he's a wonderful and loving man, a hard worker, and a good provider -- but since our son was born things have been different. I feel bad coming someplace like this and spilling my problems but I'm very worried and scared and lonely. :(

He seems emotionally distant. We've fought some. Part of the problem is I'm ready to have another baby and he's not. I come from a large Catholic family and wanted to have a large family too, and he seemed ok with that before we were married. But he says now we can't afford it and we shouldn't have any more, "maybe someday." Being Catholic we practice NFP, and one time he even suggested I go on birth control, something he knows I'm against and I thought he was against too. I got VERY upset and he never mentioned it again, but our sex life has definitely suffered. NFP is very workable and not risky if you chart right, but for the past year or so we've only been making love about once a month. He travels a lot more than he used to, sometimes being gone as much as 2 weeks at a time -- and no, I don't think he's having an affair, though I do worry about it sometimes -- and I know he loves me and our son, but he just doesn't seem to be here for us the way he was when we were first married. I've tried to talk to him, asked him not to travel so much, but he says he's just trying to be a good provider. I feel like I don't know him anymore, like this wasn't what I was hoping for and expecting in my marriage. I am pretty devastated right now and it's pulling me down into depression.

I know you'll probably say that feeling this way is normal and I'm just being sensitive, but even that kind of reassurance would be really nice right now.

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Avatar for sarahp384
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2013
Thu, 10-03-2013 - 5:31pm

Thanks, all of you. I know you're right. It kind of gives me a sinking feeling in my stomach to admit it, but I think I am willing to seriously consider using artificial b.c. What you said about intimacy and about needing it and it being unnatural to go without it is definitely true. And I think the frustration of going without it is really getting to me. :( You all raise good points about money... I just don't know. I know I need to talk with him about all of this. I've never been on b.c. and I don't really know what to expect... I guess I have some reading and talking to my doctor to do.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-09-2004
Wed, 10-16-2013 - 1:14pm

i totally understand and somewhat relate.  In moments like that i have learned to try to see things from his perspective.  If i'm depressed then he's most likely depressed too.  Without expressing it he might just be very well afraid and feeling overwhelmed.  In other words he probably feels a lot of pressure and it's mentally taking a toll on him and as a result it affects your relationship.  A lot of women tend to forget that we have to be supportive of our husband.  We have to remind them from time to time that they are doing an AMAZING job and that you are PROUD.  Stroking a man's ego would help him come around for sure.  

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