Worried

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2013
Worried
4
Sun, 10-13-2013 - 9:33am

I have been marrieds for 16yrs and we have been together for 21 we have 3 children, 17 14 and 6yrs....there has always been an issue with my hubby's attitude to woman coming from his bad upbringing....he struggles to deal with my feelings...every 6 or so months we argue and normally he sees he's done nothing wrong, unfortunately my nearly 18yr old is taking skies and I am the bad guy, hubby tried to be best friends with all 3 kids and if feel I get ganged up on...I've tried to talk to hubby about this but every time he says it's in my head and the other day told me I need to get help...and that it's all in my mind, he sees he doenps nothing wrong and will never apologize....he won't speak to me for days:( I'm really not sure I can deal with any more of this...he has a job that takes him overseas a lot and it's getting to the point where I don't even miss him...I really do love him and can't imagine my life without him but I'm also drained and at the end of What I can take...I'm emotionally drained  and feel like I am trying to fix it all the time, he never just has a conversation with me, it's all about his work, how much money he earnsand his travel, the second I want to talk his face is I front of his computer, although he seems to have all the time in the world for the kids.....we have a recent issue with estranged family members and I never feel like he's there 100% for me.....I'm just not coping any more and not sure where to go from here...I just really want to be happy.....:(

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009
In reply to: Pixie095
Mon, 10-14-2013 - 12:31am

Whatever the problem is between you two, it shouldn't be aired in front of the kids.  Kids shouldn't be made to deal with adult problems.  What's wrong with a man being friends with his children, especially if he's gone for long periods of time?  He's got childhood issues, and you're unhappy about that and other things.......then it seems like you both could use some counseling, to air your issues and to learn to deal with them.........OR.........the marriage is over, and divorce is the answer.  You can't change him.....you've been trying for years, and it doesn't help.  He needs professional help, and so do you, and probably your kids too.  Men who have had bad childhoods either get over it by the time they're adults, or they never get over it.  Most don't get over it without professional help.  And most won't get professional help, either.  If he won't go, then you go alone, and try to decide what you want to do with your life.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-18-2009
In reply to: Pixie095
Mon, 10-14-2013 - 1:38pm

Why are you worried ? Just because your husband is friends with his kids ? I guess thats what everyone strives for.I'm sorry but if the kids and dad are on good terms and you are feeling ganged up then most likely you have done  something wrong .These things dont happen in a day but consequence of many years.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2010
In reply to: Pixie095
Mon, 10-14-2013 - 6:05pm

"the other day told me I need to get help" I agree but probably not for the reasons he meant. You should talk to someone about these issues to learn when or if you are overreacting, and if there are some issues that you should be handling differently etc. It sounds like your H uses the kids as an escape from talking to you about issues. You should not be arguing in front of your kids if its making any of them think that they get to take sides. And the 17yo needs to be told when its none of his business.

The attitude towards women, does your H think that the man is always right or women don't know how to do some things or shouldn't be allowed certain activities? If you've put up with those attitudes for 16+ years I don't think he's going to want to change them at this late date. Hopefully counseling will help you to see if improvements can be made within your marriage, without having to divorce.

Community Leader
Registered: 05-14-2001
In reply to: Pixie095
Sat, 11-23-2013 - 11:33pm

I'm guessing that there's a lot more wrong but you've either come to feel that your feelings aren't valid (due to what you've been told) or you're confused about the issues because you've been told so many times that you're wrong, even when you know you're right.  I hope you'll come back and tell me more.


~ cl-2nd_life

cl-2nd_