The worst feeling in relationships....

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2005
The worst feeling in relationships....
14
Tue, 12-27-2005 - 3:57pm

It has GOT to be jealousy. I have a jealous fiance and it drives me crazy. I'm flattered that he thinks I'm so hot that everyone would want me, but at the same time it sickens me to know that he could ever think that I would be a low enough person to cheat. I wish there was a way to curve this jealousy. I asked him yesterday if he truly believed that i would want someone else. And his answer was no, but he thinks that I'm just the cat's meow and so sought after. I wonder if he's feeling old. He's 37 and I'm 30. Maybe he just thinks that he's too old for me?

It sucks. jealousy sucks.

Sarah

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2004
Tue, 12-27-2005 - 5:57pm

Whatever the cause of his jealousy, the ball is now in your court. Before you marry this man, ask yourself if you can see yourself living with his jealousy for the next 40-50 years. You've seen what he's about and now you have to decide whether or not it's acceptable to you.

I would also suggest that you have a look at his past. Is he still on good terms with his ex girlfriends? Or is there loads of anger and hurt among all concerned? If it's the latter, it's a huge red flag about his behaviour.

Dress Up Games, Doll Makers and Cartoon Dolls @ The Doll Palace
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Registered: 02-19-2004
Tue, 12-27-2005 - 5:59pm

I wouldn't think the jealousy has anything to do with how attractive you are.

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Registered: 10-13-2004
Tue, 12-27-2005 - 6:36pm
Another thought here is that he doesn't trust you. It doesn't matter how beautiful that he may think you are to others....if he trusted you, there would be no need for jealousy.
Dress Up Games, Doll Makers and Cartoon Dolls @ The Doll Palace
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2005
Tue, 12-27-2005 - 6:44pm

I only know of two ex's. One is his ex-wife, who cheated on him constantly and freely admits it like she's proud of it. I attribute most of the problem to that. How other girlfriend, or fiance rather, died 6 years ago of liver cancer. I knew her, she was pretty nice, and as far as I know there were no problems with jealousy or anything.

Sarah

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2005
Tue, 12-27-2005 - 6:45pm

That's the excuse he uses for the jealousy, that he thinks I'm so hot...lol. That's so cute.

he's willing to work on it though. Any recommended reading?

Sarah

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2005
Tue, 12-27-2005 - 6:47pm

Well i know for sure that this is his problem and has nothing to do with me. i don't know so much if it's that he doesn't trust ME, I think he's been so scarred in the past by his ex-wife, that he needs to get over that first. He trusts me with his thoughts, feelings and dreams, so I think that trust, while an important issue, isn't the deepest one in this situation.

Thanks though!
Sarah

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Tue, 12-27-2005 - 6:48pm

If he's projecting issues from his past marriage onto your current relationship, then he hasn't worked through them sufficiently.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Tue, 12-27-2005 - 6:49pm

I'm not sure, but if it were me I'd go to the library and look up books on jealousy and pick out at least three.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2005
Tue, 12-27-2005 - 6:51pm

Yes, I should do that. Thank you!

Sarah

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 12-27-2005 - 7:42pm

Welcome back, Stoonsarah ~


There are a few previous posts that I think are pretty important in a clearer understanding your situation, one from this board and one from the Toxic Relationships board (hope you don't mind that I'm referring to one from another board, but the update you gave within the thread is very important, IMO

From this board:

Living with a Ranter
From the Toxic Relationships board:

Showing a Man Appreciation
Specifically, this thread:
Showing a Man Appreciation post #6

I'm also requesting that the post be moved to the "Relationships Problems" section of the board as that's where it's most appropriate and where it will get the most response.

I'll be back in a while with my own response to your post.







~ cl-2nd_life

"You can't control the length of your life,
but you can control the width and depth."

~ Author unknown









"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"

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