The worst feeling in relationships....
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The worst feeling in relationships....
| Tue, 12-27-2005 - 3:57pm |
It has GOT to be jealousy. I have a jealous fiance and it drives me crazy. I'm flattered that he thinks I'm so hot that everyone would want me, but at the same time it sickens me to know that he could ever think that I would be a low enough person to cheat. I wish there was a way to curve this jealousy. I asked him yesterday if he truly believed that i would want someone else. And his answer was no, but he thinks that I'm just the cat's meow and so sought after. I wonder if he's feeling old. He's 37 and I'm 30. Maybe he just thinks that he's too old for me?
It sucks. jealousy sucks.
Sarah


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I really hate it when you guys do that.
Sarah
Problems don't sit alone in relationships. Every problem is effected by the dynamic of the relationship as a whole. Based on the extra information that cl-2nd life has posted, I now know that the first advice I gave you is totally wrong and that we've wasted each other's time.
Sure, you could post a tiny bit of a problem in the relationip, but our answers would be useless to you. What is the point of us giving you incorrect advice?
While ever you try to address your problems as individual issues, you'll never get out of this mess.
Why does it bother you that anyone replying to your post has more background on your situation? Isn't it better that a response to you is based on more complete information, rather than to a single aspect of your fiance's behavior that you find objectionable? Do you want help in attaining a better relationship, or do you just want to vent? It's okay to vent - sometimes we all need a sounding board.
Reading your other posts was illuminating. He used to rant and rave at you, then he started counseling and medication which calmed him to a degree, so now it's fits of jealousy. Something is wrong here and I think you know it. Please don't marry him until the day you have no real complaints about his behavior. It won't get better after marriage. I also don't get why your doctor medicated YOU when you went to see him/her about the stress DF's ranting & raving created in you. A doctor should never sedate patients so that they can deal with intolerable situations, at least not as a long term solution.
Sarah, pretending what's gone on in your relationship doesn't exist won't help you get answers that will be anything but completely wrong, ineffective and completely inappropriate to your situation. As noted by Aisha, reading your previous posts she now knows what she suggested was totally inappropriate and a waste of both your times. Glossing over the facts won't help you get suggestions that will help to change or improve your situation and I'd think you'd have had enough confusion to not want to bring in more, lol!
I'd say at the very least you know you have a long way to go and you're not out of the woods yet. I'd make sure his therapist knows this is an issue for him, and I'd make sure his therapist knows exactly how he behaves during his jealous fits. I suppose I can understand how having a jealous guy can be flattering, I had a boyfriend who was jealous because I was so hot a few years ago myself. It was flattering for a brief time, then it was tiring, tedious and very, very offensive. It boils down to mistrust and suspicion and frankly, having my morals and character questioned and suspected is completely unacceptable. To feel you have to change how you act around, treat, or respond to half the earth's population is ludicrous. To expect you to change how you act around, treat, or respond to half the earth's population is controlling and that is back to the abusive traits he's shown before. Be careful.
Like Charite said, if you're just looking to vent, please feel free to do that, that's perfectly fine and understandable too. Sorry you're unhappy.
~ cl-2nd_life"You can't control the length of your life,
but you can control the width and depth."
~ Author unknown
"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
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