Would It Bug You ...??

Avatar for bearkizz
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
Would It Bug You ...??
17
Sun, 11-13-2005 - 12:54pm

What is it about a man who can compliment (with his friends around) every woman he finds attractive but can't compliment the woman he has intimate relations with?

What is it about a man who can talk about anything (with his friends around) but when alone with the woman he is involved with he acts as if he is "talked out."?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Sun, 11-13-2005 - 1:00pm

Yes it would bug me, knowing only that about the man.


Here's another question.

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 11-14-2005 - 2:16am

Welcome back Bearkizz ~ Are the questions you've asked about your husband? In case they are, I'm providing the links to your previous posts so others can better understand your situation. The posts are listed first to last, making the most recent posts appear at the bottom of the list.
What Do You Say...(m)








"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Mon, 11-14-2005 - 1:18pm
My sister and I had this kind of discussion this weekend - what they give willingly to others they can't give to us. And yes, it makes us feel LESS THAN.


Carrie

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 11-14-2005 - 7:11pm

Everytime I see a post from you, I click on it hoping to see that you have finally come to the point of ending things with him...I hope you will get there eventually, Bearkizz.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 11-14-2005 - 9:08pm

Agree 100% and echo Sheri's hope.


I wonder too, what is it that makes this relationship worth staying in for you, Bearkizz?







~ cl-2nd_life

"You can't control the length of your life,
but you can control the width and depth."

~ Author unknown

my signature exchange partner:




Edited 11/14/2005 10:57 pm ET by cl-2nd_life








"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
Avatar for bearkizz
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
Tue, 11-15-2005 - 2:41pm

Dear Sheri,

Let me ease your mind today, especially as you have often gone that extra length to help me open my eyes in the past ....

YES, my marriage is a long gone memory now, today I am in therapy working through the emotional issues that arose as a result of a bad decision on my part.

My post has mostly to do with a good friend of mine who I enjoy the luxury of living vicariously through without the reprecussions of making those bad decisions myself ... I don't know, I guess you could say it's a safe way for me to learn what it is that I want/ don't want from a future relationship of my own, plus an added advantage of regaining perspective about relationships w/o ruining future ones with my own jaded perspective.

My psot also has to do with reconciling old emotions, as my former spouse was similar in being able to give all to others and limited amounts to me. I never understood it and maybe it isn't for me to understand so much as to learn from.

Anyway, thank you again for all your kindness over the years.

Sincerely,
Beth

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 11-15-2005 - 3:51pm

Oh, Beth, I am SO happy to hear that...not "happy" that your marriage is over, that's never something you want to hear, and it's painful even if it's the right thing to do...but happy that you are out of that terrible situation and have a chance to heal emotionally and move on with your life.

How is your health, and how is your DD doing? Have you actually finalized your divorce, or are you still in the process of that?

I am glad to hear you are in counseling, and trying to learn what works and doesn't work for you so you can use it moving forward.

Feel free to email me through my profile if you prefer.

Sheri

Avatar for bearkizz
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
Thu, 11-17-2005 - 10:15am

Dear Sheri,

My health, as par for the course, is its own roller coaster ride. For the time being I am doing better than previous months and do have hope that a cold won't come in and wreck havoc.

DD is ... well .... a typical pre-teen who thrives on driving her mother towards early senility... LOL She doesn't seem to be as angry as she was, neither does she appear to be experiencing depression. Since she isn't "acting out" (which is what I was use to) I honestly have to say that I don't know wether she is doing better or wether she has just learned how to repress her true feelings. For the moment, my main concern is that she has a "boyfriend" and seems a little too preoccupied with his likes/dislikes/thoughts, etc.... I don't know, maybe that is a normal phase for young girls these days, but as my "first crush" was Shaun Cassidy, I can't help but feel uncomfortable that her crush is on the boy next door ...

As to the divorce, it is "in the process" ... since he had moved back in after our first seperation, the state law is that we must once more seperate a year before I can receive final decree. A major annoyance to say the least, but this time I am in counseling and that seems to make a significant difference for how I feel about it all. When I first began counseling my therapist said I was the worst case of esteem she had seen in awhile ... her words: " Beth, the problem isn't that you have low self esteem, it's that you have NO esteem." .... and so they have me in various group discussions, workshops and one on one sessions. I remember having confidence ions ago and it was so easy to maintain when you had it ... I thought it was like riding a bike, something you never forgot how to accomplish even if you were rusty at first, but I was wrong. I feel more confused about who I am than about who I was and so the rebuilding of my confidence tends to be yet another roller coaster ride .... good thing chemo gave me a stomach of iron, eh? .. LOL

Oh well, I guess I better cut this post short before it turns into self exploration ... LOL Thank you again ((((((( Sheri )))))))) for all you've done through these past years.

Sincerely,
Beth

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-31-2004
Thu, 11-17-2005 - 11:14am
sounds like contempt for the woman to me.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2003
Thu, 11-17-2005 - 11:27am

I kinda feel like I'm intruding here since you've pretty clearly singled out Northwestwanderer as the recipient of your response. But, anyway.....

How long until your year is up and you can divorce? I haven't seen you indicate before that a divorce is in progress? Seems like that fact would have dramatically changed the responses you get. Anyway, glad to see you're on your way out of this, no more beating your head against that old brick wall!

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