Would you consider this cheating??

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2012
Would you consider this cheating??
33
Sun, 03-18-2012 - 7:57am

Hello everybody, just a little back ground first. WM married 22 years, we have a great marriage and I still love her very much.Raised 3 great kids(in college) and have a nice happy life. The problem is with me. For some time (5years) I have wanted her to give me a spanking. She has tried numerous times but she just can't bring herself to do it. So now I am thinking about hiring a pro spanker, no sex that's not what I want, we have a great sex life. I'm nervous because I don't want to hurt her and if she ever found out I think it would. So I guess my question is what would you do ?? Also how could I get her to do it instead? We have talked about it plenty of times and she keeps telling me its too much for her. I don't want to ruin my marriage over this

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Avatar for ukgirl82
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-17-2005
Sun, 03-18-2012 - 9:28am
"Also how could I get her to do it instead?"

Whoa, stop right there. She's made it clear she's not comfortable with it so it would be very wrong of you to continue to pressure her into something she's not comfortable with. You need to accept the fact that she's not okay with it and that's not going to change.

As for hiring someone else to do it, yes, I would consider it cheating. Even though you may not have sex with her, it is obviously something you get sexual arousal from. Furthermore, you admit that you think it would hurt her if she found out. Isn't that enough indication that you shouldn't do it?

You need to decide if your desire for this is greater than your desire to spend the rest of your life with your wife. If so, you need to end the marriage. If not, maybe you should seek therapy to learn tools on how to accept the situation and move on.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-12-2011
Sun, 03-18-2012 - 8:08pm

Maybe instead of wondering how you can get your wife to spank you or wanting to hire a pro spanker, you should be wondering why you have such a strong desire to be spanked. Maybe it is something deeper than wanting to be spanked especailly since this is not something you have always desired.

I don't think it is ever a good idea to

Community Leader
Registered: 05-14-2001
Mon, 03-19-2012 - 1:51am
Yes, she'll feel betrayed and yes, it would almost certainly damage your marriage. Also, taking that step may open a door that you find you can't close again....it may lead you deeper down that kind of path. Rather than going behind her back and doing this, what would the possibility of the two of you seeing a licenses sex therapist?

~ cl-2nd_life

cl-2nd_
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Mon, 03-19-2012 - 2:59am
Wow, is there really such a thing as a pro spanker? Seriously, let me know cause my husbands been a bad boy lately.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2011
Mon, 03-19-2012 - 11:24am

LOL

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Mon, 03-19-2012 - 1:27pm
I'ma thinking someones a trollin.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2005
Mon, 03-19-2012 - 1:31pm

Why don't you ask you wife is she's ok with you hiring a pro spanker. I would think that if she loves you and can't give you what you want, she could be understanding, especially since sex is not involved.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2012
Mon, 03-19-2012 - 1:57pm

Strangely enough there are pro female spankers out there. Its very hard to explain this desire ? In all aspects of my life I am in control so I think it would be such a change that it might give me some release from the day to day pressure. I don't know I don't even understand myself, its just something I have been struggling with for awhile. I still love my wife very much and wouldn't want to loose her over something like this. I have mentioned a pro before with her but she thinks I am kidding. Maybe I should tell her this is what I want???? Very confused here.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2011
Mon, 03-19-2012 - 2:32pm

okay, if it something you can;t tell your wife, then it is cheating. If you want to go that route, like so many pohters, go for it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Mon, 03-19-2012 - 3:00pm
If Mr. Bruce is getting sexually aroused by these spankings, his wife might consider it cheating if he goes and does this behind her back. Maybe he could just watch some videos of dominatronics (sp?) spanking men and take care of his business that way, instead of hiring a real person and having live physical contact with her. Sounds like a better alternative to me, Don't you think?

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