"you were hot in highschool"

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2011
"you were hot in highschool"
19
Wed, 03-30-2011 - 1:36am

I've started dating a new guy, who is fantastic. We are very compatible and get along great! There are a couple complaints, though, and a couple boundary issues we've resolved. However, recently he stumbled across a few pictures of me from highschool (where I was, like most of us, better looking than I am now) and keeps making comments like "wow your long hair was so beautiful" or "I like a girl with a long ponytail" or "I'm going to show everyone how hot my girlfriend is", talking about these old pictures of me from 6 years ago. I feel a little bad because I'm definitely not what I was back then, but I am content with myself now. But the way he keeps bringing that up makes me feel bad. Can anyone think of a gentle way I can say "Hey mister, be content with what you have now because I am good enough, and you're hurting my feelings" without making him feel like a complete jerk?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2001
Wed, 03-30-2011 - 2:11am

Welcome to the board, Lapritchardmn ~

Honestly?


~ cl-2nd_life

cl-2nd_
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2011
Wed, 03-30-2011 - 3:51am

He probably has no earthly clue that he is offending you. He may even think that he's paying you a compliment. Guys are so simple and don't overanalyze. Just be straightforward with him. That's the way I've had to be with my boyfriend, giving clues and subtle hints or looks doesn't help from my experience.

For example this weekend. He made just a joke about me that really offended me. TO him it was no big deal, but I told him right after he said it that it was mean and I felt offended. Then he laughed and said I shouldn't feel that way that he was joking. Then I said "To you it's a joke but to me it hurts my feelings" IT REALLY HURT MY FEELINGS! I literally changed mood for like two hours trying to get over it. Then he tried to take it back, and told me he wouldn't say that again. And he hasn't. I don't think he will either. Guys try to avoid drama so if you tell him how you feel, I doubt he'll bring it up again.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2010
Wed, 03-30-2011 - 4:45am
I have to disagree with you. I know PLENTY of men who know better than to say something like the OP's boyfriend said. Even platonic guy friends will say something like, 'not that you aren't still beautiful, but...' or at least some sort of preface to whatever dumb remark they are going to say. Guys can be simple, sure, but they're not lobotomized. They know that's offensive, and the dude just sounds like a straight up jerk.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2001
Wed, 03-30-2011 - 10:52am

Guys are not simple or clueless, but if that's the case in your experience, then you need to start choosing different guys.


~ cl-2nd_life

cl-2nd_
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Wed, 03-30-2011 - 11:07am

When I first started reading this, I thought you were going to be a middle aged woman, not just 6 yrs out of high school.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2007
Wed, 03-30-2011 - 12:25pm
I probably would have laughed and said, "What, am I chopped liver now? You do realize you're not dating 6 year old photos right? You're dating me in 2011."

Then I would put the photos away and see how he reacts. Look for cues to see if he's into looks, or hanging on to the past, etc.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2002
Wed, 03-30-2011 - 1:04pm

I probably would have taken his statement as a compliment.

Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2011
Wed, 03-30-2011 - 3:51pm
Ok... Here's what he said (LOL I don't even want to say it because I'm so sensitive about it) to be fair he had no idea it's just a huge insecurity I have. He told me "wow you have a big head" when he put my cap on. But he didn't say it like "you have a watermelon head" it's just bigger than his... and I GOT SOOOOO offended from him just mentioning it. It all goes back to high school when people were actually so mean about it (I was way underweight and skinnier then, now it's not as obvious because I put on some weight and am normal size) But he just has a smaller head. I used to be so self concious and just the fact that he mentioned it even lightly made me so upset. That's why he laughed because he didn't know it seriously hurt me. Just had to vent a little sorry...
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009
Wed, 03-30-2011 - 9:53pm

Men aren't "simple" (as in, stupid). They are, however, often

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2010
Thu, 03-31-2011 - 12:02am
lapritchardmn wrote:

I've started dating a new guy, who is fantastic. We are very compatible and get along great! There are a couple complaints, though, and a couple boundary issues we've resolved. However, recently he stumbled across a few pictures of me from highschool (where I was, like most of us, better looking than I am now) and keeps making comments like "wow your long hair was so beautiful" or "I like a girl with a long ponytail" or "I'm going to show everyone how hot my girlfriend is", talking about these old pictures of me from 6 years ago. I feel a little bad because I'm definitely not what I was back then, but I am content with myself now. But the way he keeps bringing that up makes me feel bad. Can anyone think of a gentle way I can say "Hey mister, be content with what you have now because I am good enough, and you're hurting my feelings" without making him feel like a complete jerk?

Lapritchardmn-

Hi. Like Aggiegirl, I believe your boyfriend had no idea he is offending you. I also would not see anything wrong with commenting about how nice you looked in high school.

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