you were right

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2003
you were right
6
Sat, 01-14-2006 - 4:32pm

I have posted a few times on this board and often got told to get rid of my boyfriend. Well, I didn't listen, fought hard and even moved in with him last July. I hated my job, got burned out so I quitted with his benediction to do so. I spent 2 months recovering and looking for something else which I did (great job!). He wasn't supportive, ending up telling me I was a big couch potatoe doing nothing all day but putting on weight. I still went on, though I had big doubts about his love for me. The doubts came and went, but since the beginning of the year, he was distant and silent. I got it out of him last night: he doesn't feel the same way towards me anymore. He loves me as a friend. I just gave up, didn't get into an argument or anything, I just said okay, let's try to do this without too much damage. I spent too much energy on this relationship, I have none left to try to resussitate it once more. All of you people were right, I should have listened, I wouldn't have lost the past 2 years trying to convince somebody I was worth loving.

Annie

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2004
In reply to: annieville
Mon, 01-16-2006 - 6:15am

Hi, Annie!

It's never too late to make a choice to do the right thing for yourself, and the two years you spent with the Mr. Unsupportive were years of learning and developing insight--a good thing for anyone. Now you have a great job and a great future to look forward to. Be thankful for the things he did right, forgive him for the things he did wrong, and move on.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
In reply to: annieville
Mon, 01-16-2006 - 3:25pm

Hugs to you Annie.


I am not familiar with your situation but I have to say that you didn't waste the last two years.

Peace,

Di

***If you cannot define yourself, your circumstances will.***

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: annieville
Mon, 01-16-2006 - 6:14pm

For those of you who aren't familiar with Annie's situation, you can find her previous posts here:


his ex: don't know what to do

his ex: update

his time alone

yet another argument (long)








~ cl-2nd_life

"You can't control the length of your life,
but you can control the width and depth."

~ Author unknown








"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: annieville
Mon, 01-16-2006 - 6:26pm

Welcome back, Annie, I'm sorry that things didn't turn out better for you, I know you worked really hard to make this relationship work.


I second everything Dirextor said to you, this hasn't been a waste, it's been two years worth of experience and learning. You now have a more defined version of what is acceptable for you in a relationship; I'm pretty sure you wouldn't be so accepting of a similar situation. I'm also betting you've learned that if you're spending a great amount of time excusing your partner's actions and/or words it's not acceptable; likewise if you're doing most of the work to keep the relationship going smoothly because if you're not both willing to give 50%, it's not working.


Two years is a drop in the bucket -- I spent 17 years in a lousy marriage, be glad you didn't spend more time than you did. You might consider reading "Are You the One For Me?" by Barbara DeAngelis , it's a good book that helps you define what is and is not important for you in a relationship, along with learning a lot about yourself.


I'm really sorry things turned out this way, I hope you're feeling better soon.







~ cl-2nd_life

"You can't control the length of your life,
but you can control the width and depth."

~ Author unknown








"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2003
In reply to: annieville
Fri, 01-20-2006 - 9:07pm

Thanks 2nd life! For everything. I re-read my posts and it was all there, black on white. Thanks for all your advices, they were good.

Now, I will go through the pain, I will get over him and I will make myself a great life. I will be happy again by myself. And when I'm ready, I know I will meet somebody else. Then maybe eventually, I'll come back to the board with small stuff not going perfectly, but I hope I will listen if you or any other gal on this board tells me to leave this guy.

Thanks again!
Annie

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: annieville
Mon, 01-23-2006 - 9:11pm

Annie, I'm truly sorry it ended up the way it did; your happiness is what we've all been posting about, and it's what we all wanted for you.


It sounds like you've gained some perspective (the hard way - ouch) and have defined a little clearer what the right relationship for you is (and isn't). That goes a long way in helping you choose a better relationship in the future. My guess is you'd be unwilling to put up with what you've put up with in your last relationship again. No relationship is a waste if you've learned from it or more sharply defined what the right relationship consists of or doesn't include. I know you're hurting like crazy right now even relationships you know are wrong hurt when they end. You're right though, you will get over it, be better for it and the experience has set you on the path to find a better relationship with someone who is what you deserve.







~ cl-2nd_life

"You can't control the length of your life,
but you can control the width and depth."

~ Author unknown








"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"